Many people believe that reducing obesity is due to educating people, while others argue that education does not work. Discuss both points and give your opinion?
In recent years,
obesity
has been a major health concern among Use synonyms
people
. Use synonyms
Although
some agree that Linking Words
education
Use synonyms
played
a huge Wrong verb form
plays
role
in the decrease of Use synonyms
obesity
, others argue that learning has nothing to do with it. In Use synonyms
this
essay, I shall discuss both sides of Linking Words
this
argument before presenting my perspective that Linking Words
education
can teach individuals about the benefits of Use synonyms
healthy
diet and the Add an article
a healthy
risk
associated with Fix the agreement mistake
risks
obesity
.
Use synonyms
To begin
with, let us shed light on Linking Words
benefits
of Correct article usage
the benefits
education
and awareness. First and foremost, some Use synonyms
people
Use synonyms
and
myself included, support that Correct word choice
apply
education
has a major Use synonyms
role
to play in the reduction of Use synonyms
obesity
and they will understand the importance of Use synonyms
excercise
and healthy eating habits , Correct your spelling
exercise
such
as portion size to be consumed, benefits of including five Linking Words
food
groups in the meals and the correct time to consume Use synonyms
food
. Use synonyms
Additionally
, schools and public health campaigns can Linking Words
also
play a crucial Linking Words
role
in making Use synonyms
people
aware Use synonyms
about
the effectiveness of Change preposition
of
mindfull
eating and the risk factors Correct your spelling
mindful
which
of being Correct pronoun usage
apply
over weight
. Correct your spelling
overweight
For instance
, a survey conducted by UNICEF in May 2018, in the U.S. on 500
adults ranging between 25-40 years revealed that 70% of them learned about Linking Words
obesity
in schools.
Those who advocate that Use synonyms
education
alone is not enough argue that understanding socio-economic factors can complement educational efforts. To clarify, Use synonyms
people
in lower socioeconomic groups may not have access to healthy Use synonyms
food
or the time to Use synonyms
excercise
, which Correct your spelling
exercise
education
alone cannot solve. Economic and social policies may be needed to address these barriers. Use synonyms
Moreover
, the culture of eating and the availability of fast Linking Words
food
are significant. Use synonyms
Education
efforts Use synonyms
needs
to be Change the verb form
need
coupled with
changes in the Linking Words
food
Use synonyms
enviornment
to make healthier options more accessible and appealing.
Correct your spelling
environment
To conclude
, I agree Linking Words
to
the first view that Change preposition
with
education
has a major Use synonyms
role
in the decline of Use synonyms
obesity
in individuals as Use synonyms
this
helps them learn better about their bodies, healthy eating habits and diseases related to Linking Words
obesity
. Use synonyms
However
, other Linking Words
group
of Change the wording
groups
people
believe that Use synonyms
education
alone is not sufficient, tackling other barriers like socio-economic factors, Use synonyms
culture
of eating can complement Correct word choice
and culture
education
.Use synonyms
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task achievement
The essay does a strong job of discussing both sides of the argument, but could have been further strengthened by providing specific examples beyond the UNICEF survey.
task achievement
Make sure that examples and ideas are elaborated with clear connections to the argument presented. Incorporating a more diverse range of statistics or examples would improve the task response score.
coherence cohesion
Coherence and cohesion could be improved by using more varied transitional phrases to more clearly delineate shifts in argument between paragraphs.
coherence cohesion
While the structure of the essay is clear, try to summarize the main points in a more reflective conclusion. This can enhance cohesion by knitting together all presented ideas effectively.
task achievement
The thesis statement outlines your opinion clearly and gives a preview of the essay's structure.
coherence cohesion
The essay does a good job of addressing both sides of the debate on obesity and education.
coherence cohesion
Each paragraph is well-organized and maintains a clear focus on a specific aspect of the issue.
Fully explain your ideas
To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).
For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:
- Paragraph 1 - Introduction
- Sentence 1 - Background statement
- Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
- Sentence 3 - Thesis
- Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
- Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
- Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
- Sentence 2 - Example
- Sentence 3 - Discussion
- Sentence 4 - Conclusion
- Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
- Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
- Sentence 2 - Example
- Sentence 3 - Discussion
- Sentence 4 - Conclusion
- Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
- Sentence 1 - Summary
- Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
- Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation
Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.