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Band 6.5

A “cashless society” is one where people use debit/credit cards and other forms of payment. Do the advantages of a cashless society outweigh the disadvantages?

#“cashless #society” #people #debit #credit #cards #forms #payment #cashless #society
These days, technology has been developing immediately, and we can use a range of facilities to have easier lives
such
 as using a variety of types of payment other than paying by
cash
.
While
 cashless has benefits, I still believe that cannot overshadow the drawbacks. On the one hand, paying with a range of methods except
cash
 has several merits,
Firstly
, if we have credit cards, debits, and so on, we won't spend a massive weight of
money
 on buying devices that need a great deal of
money
 like cars, furniture, and so forth.
Secondly
, these types of payment are really safer than
cash
 owing to the
fact
 that when robbers steal our bags, they do not have
money
; in
fact
, they do not know our
either
Correct determiner usage
apply
show examples
password or sign.
Thirdly
, a number of new markets do not sell;
furthermore
, we have to pay in these shoppes with credit cards.
On the other hand
, buying the online type of payments has some merits. On the one side, unfortunately, hackers are able to hack our cards and steal our
money
 in some ways that we do not understand. On the other side, if you go to the local markets to buy fresh ingredients, you will have
cash
due to
 the
fact
 that most farmers and people who work in these places do not have pois devices. In conclusion, In my opinion, paying without
cash
 has a majority of good points that can eclipse the bad points on account of the
fact
 that paying by card is very simple and has high protection.
Submitted by maryamkazemi968 on

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task achievement
Work on sharpening your arguments and making sure each point is directly answering the essay question.
task achievement
Ensure your main points are adequately supported with detailed, relevant examples.
coherence cohesion
Improve paragraph transitions and avoid abrupt shifts to enhance the overall flow of the essay.
coherence cohesion
Refine your logical structure so each paragraph’s main idea is clearly connected to the essay's main argument.
coherence cohesion
Clear introduction and conclusion, providing a solid framework for the essay.
task achievement
Acknowledges both advantages and disadvantages of a cashless society, showing a balanced approach.

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For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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