IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6.5

Table below shows how the UK unemployed spent their time last year

Table below shows how the UK unemployed spent their time last year
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The table illustrates how people who were out of work spent their
time
Use synonyms
 in 14
varoius
Correct your spelling
various
 categories
last
Linking Words
 year in the UK. The figures
divided
Add a missing verb
are divided
show examples
to
Change preposition
into
show examples
 morning and
afternoon
Use synonyms
time
Use synonyms
 and
men
Use synonyms
 and
women
Use synonyms
 as well.
Overall
Linking Words
, housework and shopping were the most common activities for
both
Use synonyms
male
Fix the agreement mistake
males
show examples
 and
female
Fix the agreement mistake
females
show examples
, particularly in the morning
while
Linking Words
 drinking and playing
sport
Fix the agreement mistake
sports
show examples
were
Unnecessary verb
apply
show examples
accounted for the lowest segment. First of all, nearly
a
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
half of unemployed
women
Use synonyms
 carried out housework in the morning and 21% in the
afternoon
Use synonyms
 in comparison
for
Change preposition
to
show examples
men
Use synonyms
 with 19% and 7%. Another most popular activity was shopping for
both
Use synonyms
 genders, being 20%
to
Change preposition
for
show examples
men
Use synonyms
 and 26%
to
Change preposition
for
show examples
women
Use synonyms
for
Change preposition
in
show examples
morning
Correct article usage
the morning
show examples
whereas
Linking Words
for
Change preposition
in
show examples
Use synonyms
afternoon
Add an article
the afternoon
show examples
 it made up 9%
to
Change preposition
for
show examples
men
Use synonyms
 and 27%
to
Change preposition
for
show examples
women
Use synonyms
. Finding a secure job
was
Unnecessary verb
apply
show examples
accounted for 22%
for
Change preposition
of
show examples
male
Fix the agreement mistake
males
show examples
 in the morning and 12% in the lunch
while
Linking Words
female
Fix the agreement mistake
females
show examples
 spent as little as
male
Fix the agreement mistake
males
show examples
 with 16%
for
Change preposition
in
show examples
 the morning and 13%
for
Change preposition
in
show examples
 the
afternoon
Use synonyms
. In terms of leisure activities,
both
Use synonyms
 sexes spent a
few
Correct quantifier usage
little
show examples
time
Use synonyms
in
Change preposition
apply
show examples
reading, visiting town, decorating or TV for
both
Use synonyms
 morning and
afternoon
Use synonyms
. In the meantime, for visiting friends and relatives,
women
Use synonyms
 spent 10 % in the morning and 7% in the
afternoon
Use synonyms
 in
compare
Replace the word
comparison
show examples
men
Use synonyms
 dedicated their
time
Use synonyms
 to it 6% for the former and 12% for the latter. Spending
time
Use synonyms
to
Change preposition
apply
show examples
doing nothing
such
Linking Words
 as staying a bed, just sitting around and drinking
were
Change the verb form
was
show examples
 concluded as the lowest percentage for
both
Use synonyms
 genders associated with playing
sport
Fix the agreement mistake
sports
show examples
.

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Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "while".
▼
Vocabulary: Replace the words time, afternoon, men, women, both with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: Rephrase the word "undefined" in your introduction.
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Vocabulary: Use several vocabularies to present the data in the second paragraph.
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