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Writing Samples
Band 6.5

The graph below shows the unemployment rates in the US and Japan between March 1993 and March 1999.

The graph below shows the unemployment rates in the US and Japan between March 1993 and March 1999.
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The line graph depicts the proportion of
the
Correct article usage
apply
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unemployed
member
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members
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 of
public
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the public
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 in different countries, namely
US
Correct article usage
the US
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 and
Japan
Use synonyms
 in a
6 year
Add a hyphen
6-year
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 period. Looking at an
overall
Linking Words
 formation, it is readily apparent that the
indication
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indications
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 exhibited by both countries are distinctly divergent, with the United States
show
Wrong verb form
showing
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 a significant decline in unemployment rates,
while
Linking Words
Japan
Use synonyms
's rates displayed a more moderate yet upward line.
According to
Linking Words
 what is shown, the
USA
Use synonyms
 and
Japan
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 had started at around 7% and 2.5% respectively. As there was a significant dip in the unemployment ratio in the
USA
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 during the first three years, there was a gradual climb in
Japan
Use synonyms
's ratio.
Thereafter
Linking Words
 the
USA
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's proportion fluctuated wildly at about 5.5
percent
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per cent
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 until nearly the beginning of 1997,
while
Linking Words
 the proportion in
Japan
Use synonyms
was increasing
Wrong verb form
increased
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 in the same period.
Consequently
Linking Words
, the two
countries'
Correct your spelling
countries
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 ratios continued their usual
behavior
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behaviour
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 until March 1999 when
Japan
Use synonyms
 exceeded the
USA
Use synonyms
 at about 4.5% and 4% respectively.

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Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "while".
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Vocabulary: Replace the words japan, usa with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: The word "proportion" was used 3 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "ratio" was used 3 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "about" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "significant" was used 2 times.
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Topic Vocabulary:
  • Unemployment rate
  • Trend
  • Comparison
  • Period
  • Sharp increase/decrease
  • Correlation
  • Economic policies
  • Technological advancements
  • Global economic conditions
  • Consumer spending
  • Social welfare
  • Public sentiment
  • Predictions
  • Economic strategies
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