IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

Some people think that strict punishments for driving offences are the key to reducing traffic accidents. Others, however, believe that other measures would be more effective in improving road safety. Discuss both these views and give your own opinion.

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In recent years, some
people
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think
Wrong verb form
have thought
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 that boosting
Correct article usage
the punishments
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punishments
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punishment
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 level for driving offences can reduce
traffic
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 accidents. The other
people
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 believe that
government
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the government
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 should
make
Correct your spelling
take
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 other
measures
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in enhancing
Change preposition
to enhance
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 road
safety
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 effectively.In my opinion, both
punishment
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 and a range of other
measures
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 can be used together to promote better driving
habit
Fix the agreement mistake
habits
show examples
. On the one hand, strict
punishment
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 can encourage
people
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 to pay attention to driving
safety
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 because
people
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always
Add a missing verb
are always
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 afraid to assume more
responsible
Replace the word
responsibility
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. If they violate
traffic
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 rules, like crossing red lights or entering
fault
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faulty
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 paths, they will get a higher monetary
punishment
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 even
into
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in
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 prison.
Additionally
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, drivers who break the
traffic
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 rules should be educated more knowledge about
traffic
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safety
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 and cancel their licenses until passing the exam for
safety
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 education. There
ways
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are ways
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 can make drivers aware
the
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of the
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 negative impacts on social and
resident's
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resident
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safety
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 insurance after
traffic
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 offences
happening
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happen
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.
On the other hand
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,
government
Add an article
the government
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 can
make
Correct your spelling
take
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 some
measures
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 to keep
traffic
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Use synonyms
safety
Replace the word
safe
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. First of all, enhancing
traffic
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 education is
a
Change the article
the
show examples
 best way to improve
people
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’s awareness
about
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of
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traffic
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 accidents
dangerous
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apply
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. At the same time,
in
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apply
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high school or junior
school
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schools
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also
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 should set
curriculum
Correct article usage
a curriculum
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 about
safety
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 education, which can
understand
Verb problem
help teach
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 how to solve
traffic
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 emergencies before getting
Correct article usage
a drive
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drive
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driver
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licenses
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license
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.
Then
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,
government
Add an article
the government
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 can design some signals, which can help
people
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to
Verb problem
apply
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focus on
roads condition
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road conditions
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. The signal lights with different
color
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colors
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 can manage complex
traffic
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situation
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situations
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 and the great drainage system can enhance road
safety
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level
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levels
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.
In
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On
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 rainy
day
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days
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, there are usually more
traffic
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 accidents and
traffic
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 congestion. In conclusion, both extension
punishment
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 ways and
make
Verb problem
apply
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other
measures
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 are significant ways to
decease
Correct your spelling
decrease
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 risk for
traffic
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 and
keeping
Wrong verb form
keep
show examples
traffic
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 ordering.

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Coherence and Cohesion
Work on providing clear topic sentences at the beginning of each paragraph to improve logical flow.
Task Achievement
Include more specific examples or evidence to support your points, which can help in making your argument more convincing.
Language Use
Try to use a wider range of vocabulary to enhance the richness of your essay.
Coherence and Cohesion
You have a clear introduction and conclusion, which sets a good structure for your essay.
Task Achievement
Your essay discusses both views and provides a balanced opinion, which is good for task achievement.
Task Achievement
You include a reasonable variety of arguments and solutions, contributing to the complexity of your essay.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • deterrent
  • repeat offenses
  • infrastructure improvements
  • public awareness campaigns
  • reckless driving
  • traffic management technologies
  • intelligent traffic lights
  • speed cameras
  • public transportation
  • minimize
  • enhance safety
  • allocate funds
  • road signs
  • road safety
What to do next:
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