IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4

More and more companies allow their employees to work from home or “remotely” rather than going into an office each day. Do the advantages of this policy outweigh the disadvantages?

#companies #employees #work #home #“remotely” #office #policy
✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?
NOWADAYS, MANY COMPANIES TRY TO PROVİDE EMPLOYEES WITH ACCESSIBLE
WORK
Use synonyms
 CONDITIONS, LIKE WORKING REMOTELY. THERE ARE NUMEROUS ADVANTAGES, WHICH
FAR
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ARE FAR
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 MORE CONSIDERABLE THAN DISADVANTAGES. ONE MAJOR ADVANTAGE ASSOCIATED WITH WORKING REMOTELY IS HAVING
Use synonyms
WORK-LIFE
Correct article usage
A WORK-LIFE
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 BALANCE, IT IS THE THING WHICH VITALLY IMPORTANT FOR EVERYONE. PROVIDING THAT INDIVIDUALS HAVE THE CHANCE TO
WORK
Use synonyms
 REMOTELY, IT WOULD
BE
Unnecessary verb
apply
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BRING MANY OPPORTUNITIES,
,
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apply
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SUCH
Linking Words
 AS THEY CAN GIVE ENOUGH PARENTAL CARE TO CHILDREN, AND SPEND HIGH-QUALITY TIME WITH FRIENDS AND FAMILY MEMBERS. ANOTHER ADVANTAGE WOULD BE AN INCREASING OF PRODUCTIVITY.TO PUT IT SIMPLY, MANY INDIVIDUALS CANNOT
WORK
Use synonyms
 IN NOISY AND CROWDED WORKING ENVIRONMENT
DUE TO
Linking Words
 HAVING SHORT ATTENTION SPANS.
FOR INSTANCE
Linking Words
, SOME
PEOPLE
Use synonyms
 HAVE DEDICATED
Use synonyms
WORK SPACE
Correct your spelling
WORKSPACE
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 AT HOME WHICH IS BETTER THAN THAT OF
WORK
Use synonyms
.
ADDITIONALLY
Linking Words
,
Linking Words
FURTHER
Correct article usage
A FURTHER
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 BENEFIT IS COST SAVINGS,
IN OTHER
Linking Words
WORDS
Add the comma(s)
WORDS,
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 IT ALLOWS EMPLOYEES TO REDUCE EXPENSES, NAMELY TRANSPORTATION,
AN
Correct your spelling
AND
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 OFFICE SPACE. TURNING TO DRAWBACKS, REMOTE WORKING MIGHT AFFECT
PEOPLE
Use synonyms
'S
RESPONSIBILTY
Correct your spelling
RESPONSIBILITIES
, SINCE WORKERS DO NOT HAVE
FROM
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apply
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NINE TO FIVE WORKING CONDITIONS.
ADDITION
Change preposition
IN ADDITION
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 TO
THIS
Linking Words
, IT LEADS TO
LOSING
Verb problem
A LOSS
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 OF PUNCTUALITY, AS EMPLOYEES NO LONGER
WORK
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 FROM NINE TO FIVE.
FURTHER
Linking Words
 DRAWBACK WOULD BE LOSING OF INTERACTION
,
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apply
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 SINCE
PEOPLE
Use synonyms
 ARE HABITUATED TO CORPORATE IN TEAMWORK IN A REAL
WORK
Use synonyms
 ENVIRONMENT,
AS WELL AS
Linking Words
 IT AFFECTS MENTAL HEALTH.
FOR INSTANCE
Linking Words
, WORKING REMOTELY LEADS TO UNDESIRABLE EFFECTS ON WORKAHOLIC
PEOPLE
Use synonyms
, RESULTS IN FALLING INTO DEPRESSION.
TO CONCLUDE
Linking Words
, REMOTE WORKING HAVE SOME BENEFITS WHICH
SIGNIFICANTLY
Add a missing verb
ARE SIGNIFICANTLY
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 MORE THAN
DRAWBCAKS
Correct your spelling
DRAWBACKS
.
Submitted by afaaslanova07 on

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coherence and cohesion
To enhance coherence, consider using connecting words or phrases that guide the reader more smoothly between ideas. Try to balance the length of your sentences to make your argument easier to follow.
task achievement
To improve your task achievement, make sure every point you make directly relates back to the topic question. Ensure your points are not just mentioned but explained in a way that firmly establishes their importance in the argument.
coherence and cohesion
The essay has a clear introduction and conclusion, which frames the response well.
task achievement
Relevant examples are provided to support your points, such as the benefit of increased work-life balance and the issue of reduced interaction.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • telecommuting
  • remote working
  • work-life balance
  • productivity
  • distractions
  • flexible schedule
  • cost savings
  • office space
  • commuting
  • professional wardrobe
  • boundary
  • burnout
  • face-to-face interaction
  • teamwork
  • communication
  • isolation
  • workplace culture
What to do next:
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