In many countries, childhood obesity is a growing problem. What are the reasons for this and what can individuals and governments do to tackle the problem?
In more than one country children suffering from obesity are an increasing concern. I think that an exaggerated consumption of
junk
food
is the problem
's main reason, but both governments and individuals can tackle the problem
with some measures.
Nowadays, the
access to Correct article usage
apply
junk
food
is easier than ever. The rapid development of the internet has allowed chains of fast foods
to reach a wider audience. Fix the agreement mistake
food
This
type of restaurants
aim to sell a large Fix the agreement mistake
restaurant
amount
of products with a minimal profit, and cheap prices always tempt people, especially Change the quantifier
number
Correct article usage
the youngs
youngs
. Correct your spelling
young
For example
, in
these days McDonald's is launching its usual winter promotion, called Winterdays. Change preposition
apply
Due to
this
promotion, from the last
days of November to the middle of December, a really valuable promotion on products or menus is promoted each day, and this
brings tons of people to eat more than usual at the restaurant.
On the other hand
, I believe that there are measures that can be taken in order to address the problem
. Firstly
, governments could put havier taxes on this
type of food
. This
would force fast foods to rise
their prices and people might be less attracted. Correct your spelling
raise
However
, individuals, especially parents, must do their part too. In my opinion, individuals should be more conscious on
how much unhealthy Change preposition
of
junk
food
is and avoid to eat
it too often. Change the verb form
eating
While
, parents should give healthier food
to their children, trying also
to balance thier
diet. Children should eat vegetables almost every day and it would be better if they Correct your spelling
their
avoid
eating Wrong verb form
avoided
junk
food
at all.
In conclusion, I believe that the growing problem
in
childhood obesity should be of primary importance to governments, but Change preposition
of
also
each person should try to address the problem
by himself.Submitted by alessandrorepola.repola on
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clarity
Consider improving sentence variety and complexity for greater clarity. Try using a mix of simple, compound, and complex sentence structures to enhance your argument.
language
Be cautious with spellings and grammar, as minor errors like 'thier' (should be 'their') can detract from the overall professionalism of the essay.
task response
While the main reasons and solutions are identified, further elaboration on some points could strengthen the argument. For example, discussing more about the impact of junk food advertisements on children might provide depth.
structure
The essay presents a clear introduction and conclusion, effectively framing the discussion.
examples
You have included specific examples like the McDonald's promotion to illustrate your points, which makes the essay more engaging.
logic
There is a logical flow from identifying causes to suggesting solutions, helping readers understand your perspective clearly.
Your opinion
Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.
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Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.
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