some educators argue that every child should be taught how to play a musical instrument. Discuss the advantages and disadvantages.
There is no denying the fact that learning to play any musical
instruments
can Fix the agreement mistake
instrument
helps
in feeling happiness at Wrong verb form
help
sometime
. Replace the word
some time
While
it is a commonly held belief that students should be taught to play a musical instrument, there is Linking Words
also
an argument Linking Words
opposes
Correct pronoun usage
that opposes
this
idea. Linking Words
This
essay will analyse Linking Words
this
topic from both points of view and express my opinion.
On one hand, teaching Linking Words
children
to play Use synonyms
music
has various benefits especially to invest the free Use synonyms
time
in a useful way. Use synonyms
In other words
, that helps kids to spend their leisure Linking Words
time
in a certain activity Use synonyms
instead
of randomness which they might spend their Linking Words
time
on. Use synonyms
In addition
, playing a musical instrument plays a crucial role in enhancing thinking. Linking Words
For example
, a Linking Words
study
conducted in the Netherlands showed thatUse synonyms
,
students who can play any type of Remove the comma
apply
music
Use synonyms
has
Change the verb form
have
mental
ability to think in Add an article
the mental
different
Change the article
a different
way
. Fix the agreement mistake
ways
On the other hand
, Linking Words
children
who Use synonyms
was
taught to play Change the verb form
were
music
may waste all their leisure Use synonyms
time
Use synonyms
on
, it is Change preposition
apply
also
possible to say that, no more Linking Words
time
for Use synonyms
Use synonyms
study enough
because Wrong verb form
studying
of
Change preposition
apply
children
may spend all Use synonyms
Use synonyms
time
Correct pronoun usage
their time
in
Change preposition
on
music
activities rather than Use synonyms
Use synonyms
study
. Wrong verb form
studying
Moreover
, if the Linking Words
time
Use synonyms
which
Correct pronoun usage
apply
dedicate
to Wrong verb form
dedicated
learn
Wrong verb form
learning
music
Use synonyms
was extend
, that Change the verb form
was extended
will
negatively impact Wrong verb form
would
on
discovering other skills. Change preposition
apply
For instance
, Linking Words
children
can learn Use synonyms
programing
during their Correct your spelling
programming
free-
Correct your spelling
free time
time
, and that can help them in their future Use synonyms
life
.
In conclusion, there Fix the agreement mistake
lives
is
no easy answers to Change the verb form
are
this
question. On balance, Linking Words
however
, I tend to believe that teaching Linking Words
children
musical skills can be beneficial if it does not extend Use synonyms
for
Change preposition
to
study
Use synonyms
time
accountUse synonyms
Submitted by fayez1939 on
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task achievement
Strengthen the support for your statements with more detailed and specific examples. This will help illustrate your points more vividly, particularly in terms of clarifying how learning a musical instrument affects students' study time and the development of other skills.
task achievement
Ensure that your essay addresses both sides of the argument more evenly. While you do mention the negatives, they are not as thoroughly explored as the positives. Consider expanding on potential disadvantages to balance your discussion.
coherence and cohesion
Improve the flow of ideas between sentences and paragraphs. Some transitions seem abrupt, so using clearer linking words or phrases could enhance the overall coherence of your essay.
task achievement
The essay clearly presents both sides of the argument, discussing both advantages and disadvantages of teaching children to play musical instruments.
coherence and cohesion
The introduction effectively sets the context and outlines the discussion, while the conclusion succinctly summarizes the main findings and presents a balanced opinion.
coherence and cohesion
The essay is logically structured, with each paragraph focusing on a separate aspect of the topic, making it easy to follow.
Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
The easiest way to score well on the IELTS Task 2 writing portion is to structure your writing in a solid essay format.
A strong argument essay structure can be split up into 4 paragraphs, each containing 4 sentences (except the conclusion paragraph, which only contains 3 sentences).
Stick to this essay structure:
- Paragraph 1 - Introduction
- Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
- Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
- Paragraph 4 - Conclusion