IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

some educators argue that every child should be taught how to play a musical instrument. Discuss the advantages and disadvantages.

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There is no denying the fact that learning to play any musical
instruments
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instrument
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 can
helps
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help
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 in feeling happiness at
sometime
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some time
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.
While
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 it is a commonly held belief that students should be taught to play a musical instrument, there is
also
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 an argument
opposes
Correct pronoun usage
that opposes
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this
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 idea.
This
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 essay will analyse
this
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 topic from both points of view and express my opinion. On one hand, teaching
children
Use synonyms
 to play
music
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 has various benefits especially to invest the free
time
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 in a useful way.
In other words
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, that helps kids to spend their leisure
time
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 in a certain activity
instead
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 of randomness which they might spend their
time
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 on.
In addition
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, playing a musical instrument plays a crucial role in enhancing thinking.
For example
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, a
study
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 conducted in the Netherlands showed that
,
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apply
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 students who can play any type of
music
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has
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have
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mental
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the mental
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 ability to think in
different
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a different
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way
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ways
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.
On the other hand
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,
children
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 who
was
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were
show examples
 taught to play
music
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 may waste all their leisure
time
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on
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apply
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, it is
also
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 possible to say that, no more
time
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 for
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study enough
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studying
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 because
of
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apply
show examples
children
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 may spend all
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time
Correct pronoun usage
their time
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in
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on
show examples
music
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 activities rather than
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study
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studying
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.
Moreover
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, if the
time
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which
Correct pronoun usage
apply
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dedicate
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dedicated
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 to
learn
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learning
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music
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was extend
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was extended
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, that
will
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would
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 negatively impact
on
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apply
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discovering other skills.
For instance
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,
children
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 can learn
programing
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programming
show examples
 during their
free-
Correct your spelling
free time
show examples
time
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, and that can help them in their future
life
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lives
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. In conclusion, there
is
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are
show examples
 no easy answers to
this
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 question. On balance,
however
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, I tend to believe that teaching
children
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 musical skills can be beneficial if it does not extend
for
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to
show examples
study
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time
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 account

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task achievement
Strengthen the support for your statements with more detailed and specific examples. This will help illustrate your points more vividly, particularly in terms of clarifying how learning a musical instrument affects students' study time and the development of other skills.
task achievement
Ensure that your essay addresses both sides of the argument more evenly. While you do mention the negatives, they are not as thoroughly explored as the positives. Consider expanding on potential disadvantages to balance your discussion.
coherence and cohesion
Improve the flow of ideas between sentences and paragraphs. Some transitions seem abrupt, so using clearer linking words or phrases could enhance the overall coherence of your essay.
task achievement
The essay clearly presents both sides of the argument, discussing both advantages and disadvantages of teaching children to play musical instruments.
coherence and cohesion
The introduction effectively sets the context and outlines the discussion, while the conclusion succinctly summarizes the main findings and presents a balanced opinion.
coherence and cohesion
The essay is logically structured, with each paragraph focusing on a separate aspect of the topic, making it easy to follow.

Structure your answers in logical paragraphs

The easiest way to score well on the IELTS Task 2 writing portion is to structure your writing in a solid essay format.

A strong argument essay structure can be split up into 4 paragraphs, each containing 4 sentences (except the conclusion paragraph, which only contains 3 sentences).

Stick to this essay structure:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • educators
  • taught
  • play a musical instrument
  • benefits
  • cognitive skills
  • academic performance
  • physical coordination
  • motor skills
  • discipline
  • perseverance
  • express themselves
  • self-confidence
  • stress relief
  • relaxation
  • creativity
  • imagination
  • inclusivity
  • equal access
  • arts education
  • practical challenges
  • implementing
  • universal
  • balance
  • mandatory
  • academic subjects
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