You should spend about 40 minutes on this task. Write about the following topic: Many believe that modern technology has brought people together, but others say that it has driven us apart. Discuss both viewpoints and give your own opinion. Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge and experience. Write at least 250 words.
In the modern epoch,
advancement
of modern technology has made things easier for Correct article usage
the advancement
people
such
as travelling, communication
and shopping. One section of society believes that Replace the word
communicating
this
advance
technology has united Replace the word
advanced
people
; however
others refute with claim. Both the viewpoints of Add a comma
however,
this
essay will be discussed before a reasonable conclusion is drawn.
Analysing the statement and explaining further
, first
and foremost reason behind uniting Correct article usage
the first
individual
is Fix the agreement mistake
individuals
the
communication. Correct article usage
apply
For example
, if one company operates in two different continents, one branch can communicate with other
over Correct article usage
the other
Correct article usage
the microsoft
microsoft
team meeting application. Change the capitalization
Microsoft
Furthermore
, long distance
friends and family members who want to stay connected with each other using modern gadgets. Add a hyphen
long-distance
For instance
, International students are living far away from home, so the
smartphones have made Correct article usage
apply
easier
to connect with their families.
Moving towards to second notion of Correct pronoun usage
it easier
this
essay, some people
think that people
are driven away from each other. The primary reason for this
is that every individual is busy in their own life and even parents have no time for their kids. To cite an example, nowadays children are getting addicted to the
video games, they are not interested in playing outdoor games with others because their parents are busy working Correct article usage
apply
whole
day. Add an article
the whole
a whole
In addition
, social media has made us their slave, which reduces social interaction.
In conclusion, both the view points
have Correct your spelling
viewpoints
the
positive and Correct article usage
apply
the
negative aspects, but in my Correct article usage
apply
opinion
I concur with the idea that Add a comma
opinion,
people
are brought closer to each other with use
of a modern piece of technology.Add an article
the use
Submitted by vishaljangrala94 on
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task achievement
Your essay addresses both viewpoints on the topic and provides a reasonable conclusion. It demonstrates a good understanding of the topic, but ensure that the introduction clearly states both sides of the argument before delving into examples.
task achievement
Consider providing more specific and varied examples to enrich your essay further, ensuring each point is fully illustrated with a distinct example.
coherence cohesion
Try to enhance coherence by clearly linking each paragraph with the next, ensuring each idea flows into the subsequent one naturally and logically.
coherence cohesion
You have structured the essay well with a clear introduction and conclusion. However, work on enhancing the transitions between main ideas, possibly by outlining causes of disagreement more distinctly in the first supporting paragraph and implications in the second.
task achievement
The essay includes a comprehensive response to the task and covers both viewpoints on the topic.
coherence cohesion
An introduction and conclusion are clearly presented in a structured manner, which adds clarity to your essay.
supported main points
Clear explanations and examples are used to support points, contributing to a logically structured argument.
Your opinion
Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.
If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.
Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.
Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:
...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?