IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4

Some people think that government should invest money in wildlife projects and protect them.Other people think it is better invests money in other projects.Discuss both views and give your opinion.

#people #government #money #wildlife #projects
✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?
Some think it is important to invest in
widlife
Correct your spelling
wildlife
projects
Use synonyms
while
Linking Words
 others think it is important to invest
on
Change preposition
in
show examples
 other
projects
Use synonyms
. In my
opinion
Add a comma
opinion,
show examples
 I think the government should invest
on
Change preposition
in
show examples
 both
wildlife
Use synonyms
 and other
projects
Use synonyms
. It is important to invest
on
Change preposition
in
show examples
wildlife
Use synonyms
 because it helps keep a balanced
eco system
Correct your spelling
ecosystem
show examples
.
For example
Linking Words
, there used to be a lot of frogs where they took mosquitos and certain insects for consumption.
However
Linking Words
, nowadays
there's
Wrong verb form
there are
show examples
 less number of frogs to
been
Wrong verb form
be
show examples
 around
where
Correct word choice
which
show examples
it
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
is affecting
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
humankind.
This
Linking Words
 is because mosquitoes and certain insects could be very harmful and cause various diseases.
Moreover
Linking Words
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
wildlife
Use synonyms
 helps promote tourism. Many tourists visit certain countries
inorder
Correct your spelling
in order
show examples
 to witness the amazing
scenaries
Correct your spelling
sceneries
scenarios
 of
wildlife
Use synonyms
.
Therefore
Linking Words
 I believe that if the
governement
Correct your spelling
government
 increases investments
on
Change preposition
in
show examples
wildlife
Use synonyms
projects
Use synonyms
 it will increase tourism which will result in
adavancements
Correct your spelling
advancements
 in
governement
Correct your spelling
government
 revenue.
This
Linking Words
Use synonyms
goverment
Correct your spelling
government
 revenue could be invested
on
Change preposition
in
show examples
 other
projects
Use synonyms
 elevating the
overall
Linking Words
 services provided by the
Use synonyms
goverment
Correct your spelling
government
.
On the other hand
Linking Words
, there could be way more serious concerns in the country that the
Use synonyms
goverment
Correct your spelling
government
 should immensely spend on which needs immediate response.
For example
Linking Words
, if it is a
develpoing
Correct your spelling
developing
 country, the government needs the focus on other
projects
Use synonyms
 as well
such
Linking Words
 as
subsiding
Verb problem
subsidising
show examples
the
Change preposition
for the
show examples
 poor and
many more
Correct word choice
apply
show examples
. If the
Use synonyms
goverment
Correct your spelling
government
 focuses on
wildlife
Use synonyms
projects
Use synonyms
 as well
Change preposition
as invest
show examples
invest
Correct subject-verb agreement
invests
show examples
on
Change preposition
in
show examples
 other
projects
Use synonyms
 they could improve the country as a whole.
Submitted by tharushitennakoon.n on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

coherence cohesion
The introduction should clearly outline both views and state your position more explicitly. Consider refining your introduction to better set the stage for your discussion.
coherence cohesion
Some ideas in the essay could be linked more effectively with transitional phrases to enhance the logical progression of your arguments.
coherence cohesion
Make sure to include a brief conclusion summarizing your main points and restating your position to improve overall coherence.
task achievement
Try to provide a bit more depth and variety in your examples and discussions. Consider elaborating further on why you believe government investment in both wildlife and other projects is important, perhaps using specific examples or data.
task achievement
The essay discusses both sides of the argument, which shows a good understanding of the task.
task achievement
You have mentioned the potential benefits of investing in wildlife, such as balancing the ecosystem and increasing tourism revenue.
task achievement
The argument addressing alternative necessary government investments adds depth to your essay.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: