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Writing Samples
Band 6.5

The charts show the average percentages in typical meals of three types of nutrients, all of which may be unhealthy if eaten too much. Summarize the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.

The charts show the average percentages in typical meals of three types of nutrients, all of which may be unhealthy if eaten too much. Summarize the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.
#show #percentages #meals #three #nutrients #information #features #comparisons
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The pie charts
illustrates
Change the verb form
illustrate
show examples
 the average
ratio
Use synonyms
 of
Sodium
Use synonyms
,Saturated fat and Added
sugars
Use synonyms
 in
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
Breakfast,
Lunch
Use synonyms
 and dinner. These nutrients are not good for the health if consumed too much.
overall
Linking Words
,
people
Use synonyms
 the maximum percentage of added
sugars
Use synonyms
 is seen in
snacks
Use synonyms
 and during
Use synonyms
lunch time
Correct your spelling
lunchtime
show examples
,
whereas
Linking Words
,
people
Use synonyms
 love to add dishes containing
sodium
Use synonyms
 and saturated fats
in
Change preposition
to
show examples
 their dinner, most frequently. The consumption of
sodium
Use synonyms
 in the dinner and the
lunch
Use synonyms
 is 43% and 29%
while
Linking Words
 the
ratio
Use synonyms
 of saturated fats and added
sugars
Use synonyms
 are 37% and 23%.
people
Use synonyms
 love to consume
snacks
Use synonyms
, the
higest
Correct your spelling
highest
 percentage of
snacks
Use synonyms
 contains
Use synonyms
sugars
Fix the agreement mistake
sugar
show examples
 which is extremely unhealthy, the
ratio
Use synonyms
 of sugar in
snaks
Correct your spelling
snacks
 and
Lunch
Use synonyms
 is 42% and 19%.
on the other hand
Linking Words
 the percentages of
sodium
Use synonyms
 and saturated fat remained between 14% and 21% in
snacks
Use synonyms
,
while
Linking Words
 the
ratio
Use synonyms
 of
sodium
Use synonyms
 and saturated fats remained between 29% and 26%. The average
percentages
Fix the agreement mistake
percentage
show examples
 of these nutrients consumed in
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
breakfast stayed between 14% to 16%.
people
Use synonyms
Submitted by dr.tehreemk on

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Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "while".
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Vocabulary: Replace the words ratio, sodium, sugars, lunch, people, snacks with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: Only 6 basic words for charts were used.
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Vocabulary: The word "percentage" was used 4 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "ratio" was used 4 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "remained" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: Use several vocabularies to present the data in the fifth paragraph.
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