IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5.5

In an increasingly globalized world, communicating in English is becoming an essential skill. Some people argue that it should become an official language in Vietnam. This means English would be used ingovernment, legal documents, education, and other official communications. The government of Vietnam should make English an official language. Do you agree or disagree? Write a persuasive essay in around 400 words

#world #english #skill #people #language #vietnam #ingovernment #documents #education #communications #government
✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?
The importance of
English
Use synonyms
 is
unargueable
Correct your spelling
unarguable
unarguably
, especially for a healthcare worker like me. Six years ago, I went to a well-known medical school in Vietnam. In that school, there are a lot of excellent lecturers and one of them told me that
English
Use synonyms
 is
specially
Replace the word
especially
show examples
 significant for anyone
that
Correct pronoun usage
who
show examples
 wants to become an outstanding doctor. That was a tough talk to me because my score in the national exam was just 4.25/10, which was below the average.
Then
Linking Words
 I found that almost
medical
Correct determiner usage
all medical
show examples
books
Use synonyms
 in Vietnamese are translated from French or
English
Use synonyms
books
Use synonyms
. It was crazy that those
English
Use synonyms
books
Use synonyms
 had been published
for
Change preposition
apply
show examples
20 years before because we need the latest knowledge to manage our patients. It is even funnier that they copied each other's
translation
Fix the agreement mistake
translations
show examples
 to generate their own
books
Use synonyms
. I will not need to read those
books
Use synonyms
 if I have
English
Use synonyms
. That’s why I believe
English
Use synonyms
 is essential for us.
However
Linking Words
, every coin has two sides. We
are
Wrong verb form
have been
show examples
 using one and only one official language in Vietnam for
thousand
Correct article usage
a thousand
show examples
 years. We have changed a couple of times in the way we write but never in the way we speak. With a long history like that, Vietnamese closely
attaches
Wrong verb form
attached
show examples
 to Vietnamese culture in the way we think, talk, and even behave. The decision
of changing
Change preposition
to change
show examples
 or
adding
Wrong verb form
add
show examples
 another language may erode the culture.
This
Linking Words
 could not be. In my own point of view, between the advantages and disadvantages, I would choose
making
Change the verb form
to make
show examples
English
Use synonyms
 an official language. I believe the benefit outweighs the
drawback
Fix the agreement mistake
drawbacks
show examples
 in terms of our generalized development.
Submitted by Andy on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

task achievement
Try to deepen the analysis of both sides of the argument. While you've given personal experiences and cultural considerations, exploring broader national implications might strengthen your argument.
task achievement
Ensure every argument is fully fleshed out with supporting details. The idea that English helps in accessing updated resources is clear, but perhaps delve into how this impacts the healthcare system as a whole.
coherence cohesion
Some transitions between ideas could be smoother. Consider linking sentences or paragraphs more clearly to enhance flow and connectivity.
coherence cohesion
The essay has a clear and engaging introduction, which outlines the personal relevance of English. This draws the reader in effectively.
task achievement
You use a personal experience effectively to highlight the need for English in your field, making the argument relatable and strong.
coherence cohesion
The essay presents a balanced view by addressing both sides of the argument, although focusing more on the preferred side enhances persuasion.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: