IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5.5

In some countries there are more young people choosing to enrol in work-based training instead of attending university. Do the advantages of this situation outweigh the disadvantages?

#countries #people #enrol #university #situation
✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?
In more than one country students prefer to subscribe
themselves
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
in
Change preposition
to
show examples
 work-based
trainings
Change the wording
training
pieces of training
show examples
instead
Linking Words
 of going to
university
Use synonyms
. I believe that in the first
moment
Add a comma
moment,
show examples
this
Linking Words
 can have positive effects on both
economy
Correct article usage
the economy
show examples
 and individuals, but in
a
Correct article usage
the
show examples
 long term
period
Add a comma
period,
show examples
 its disadvantages will outweigh the advantages. On
one
Correct article usage
the one
show examples
 hand,
people
Use synonyms
 who choose a training will be able to go working earlier than those who enrol at
university
Use synonyms
. It may surely have positive effects on the government's economy.
This
Linking Words
 is
due to
Linking Words
 the fact that these
people
Use synonyms
 would pay taxes and so the government would have
an
Change the article
a
show examples
 higher income.
In addition
Linking Words
, being able to work earlier allows
people
Use synonyms
 to become more
indipendent
Correct your spelling
independent
. To give an example, young
people
Use synonyms
 who earn their own money are able to pay for their own needs and their parents do not have to maintain them.
However
Linking Words
, countries with a larger number of
people
Use synonyms
 that choose to enrol in work-based training have a lower rate of
high
Replace the word
highly
show examples
 educated
people
Use synonyms
. It is proved that a lower proportion of
people
Use synonyms
 who had attended college or
university
Use synonyms
 would lead to a higher rate of unemployment in the future, and
this
Linking Words
 could certainly
affects
Change the verb form
affect
show examples
 the economy in a negative way.
Furthermore
Linking Words
,
people
Use synonyms
 who choose to not attend
university
Use synonyms
 are statistically more likely to have a lower income than those who continue their studies after high school. In conclusion, I believe that in a short term period the advantages of work-based
trainings
Change the wording
training
pieces of training
show examples
 cannot be discussed, but with regard to a longer period, the disadvantages of
this
Linking Words
 situation are surely of higher importance than its advantages.
Submitted by alessandrorepola.repola on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

task achievement
To enhance the effectiveness of your examples, try providing clearer and more specific instances to support your main points. This will strengthen your arguments.
task achievement
Ensure to give equal attention to arguments on both sides when discussing the advantages and disadvantages. This can make the essay more balanced.
coherence cohesion
Work on developing transitions between paragraphs to improve the flow of ideas. This will make your essay feel more structured.
introduction conclusion present
The essay has a clear introduction and conclusion, which effectively state and summarize the writer's position.
logical structure
The logical structure is generally clear, with main points presented in a logical sequence.
complete response
The essay addresses the task effectively by discussing both the advantages and disadvantages of work-based training versus university education.

Answer the 'Advantages and Disadvantages' topic

IELTS advantages and disadvantages questions normally give you a statement and ask you to comment on the advantages and disadvantages of that statement.

Answer structure for the type of essay

  • Introduction
  • Body paragraph 1 – advantages
  • Body paragraph 2 – disadvantages
  • Conclusion

Examples to start your body paragraph:

  • The main advantage is...
  • The disadvantage of this...
  • The main benefit...
  • Despite these advantages...
  • One possible drawback...

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • work-based training
  • enrol
  • university
  • advantages
  • disadvantages
  • practical skills
  • experience
  • workforce
  • employment
  • earnings
  • opportunities
  • further education
  • theoretical knowledge
  • career options
  • exploitation
  • balance
What to do next:
Look at other essays: