IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5.5

In many countries, the government spend a large amount of money on arts. Some people agree with this. However, others think government should spend more on health and education. Discuss both sides and give your opinion.

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The phenomenon of governments
tend
Wrong verb form
tending
show examples
 to use large amounts of money on
arts
Use synonyms
-related aspects of life has led to the division of two contrary opinions. For some, they are in agreement.
Nevertheless
Linking Words
, others believe that it would be more beneficial for the money to be exploited
on
Change preposition
for
show examples
health
Use synonyms
 and
education
Use synonyms
. Frankly, my personal view is somewhere in the middle, and
thus
Linking Words
, the following points made will be dedicated to the clarification of my
thought
Fix the agreement mistake
thoughts
show examples
. On the
one
Use synonyms
 hand,
arts
Use synonyms
 have always been known for
its
Correct pronoun usage
their
show examples
 advantages towards entertainment and self-relief. Basically, living in
such
Linking Words
 a fully occupied era like the 21st century, daily grinds appear to be an inevitable part of individuals’
life
Fix the agreement mistake
lives
show examples
, whether young age or not. Specifically, in Japan, known for its intense levels of
working
Replace the word
work
show examples
, many would actually suffer from exhaustion
and
Correct word choice
apply
show examples
therefore
Linking Words
, leading to higher demise rates.
However
Linking Words
,
arts
Use synonyms
 are different. It could somehow, at some points, act as a life
savior
Change the spelling
saviour
show examples
 or motivation for some people to continue their journey, particularly because they found ease and a push in relieving strain when dealing with laughter or a mind of not having to be frightened by deadlines.
Hence
Linking Words
, the method of spending more money on
arts
Use synonyms
 is utterly crucial, since it helps ameliorate citizens’ mental
health
Use synonyms
 and
as a result
Linking Words
, less severely heart-broken cases.
On the other hand
Linking Words
, it would be foolish to put two leading factors in terms of thriving a
country
Use synonyms
 aside
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
 and mainly focus on just
one
Use synonyms
 aspect.
Education
Use synonyms
 is
what
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
regarded as a rocket in flying individuals, especially for succeeding generations, to reach out for more wonders
Correct pronoun usage
that existed
show examples
existed
Wrong verb form
exist
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 throughout the planet. And again, making the development of
one
Use synonyms
 nation to be enhanced even more.
One
Use synonyms
 proof to showcase
this
Linking Words
 is Vietnam. As history has mentioned, Vietnam, a
country
Use synonyms
 from 90% of people
having
Wrong verb form
have
show examples
 no skills
of
Change preposition
in
show examples
 literacy, to now a
country
Use synonyms
 that has fulfilled
beloved
Correct article usage
the beloved
show examples
 Ho Chi Minh president’s words, which means more than roughly 90% of the citizens interpret how to read and write. What about
health
Use synonyms
?
Education
Use synonyms
 may serve as a base to propel individuals in structuring the
country
Use synonyms
,
while
Linking Words
 for
health
Use synonyms
, without it, human beings are definitely not capable of almost anything, or if yes,
then
Linking Words
 they have to strive even harder just to stand at a finish line that others can achieve easily
, .
Change the punctuation
,
.
show examples
 In short,
education
Use synonyms
 and
health
Use synonyms
 are what make a
country
Use synonyms
 exist in
a
Correct article usage
the
show examples
 long run. In conclusion, with regard to
arts
Use synonyms
,
health
Use synonyms
, and
education
Use synonyms
, they are all crucial for inhabitants’ quality of their lifestyle. Without just
one
Use synonyms
 element, countries may face harsher challenges and results, especially for
education
Use synonyms
 and
health
Use synonyms
, as they are the top reasons why a nation
could
Wrong verb form
can
show examples
 survive consistently.

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clarity
Be careful with complex sentence structures as they can sometimes lead to unclear expression. Try to simplify sentences where possible to enhance clarity.
coherence
Ensure each paragraph focuses on a single main idea and directly supports your thesis. This can help improve the logical flow of your essay.
introduction
Your introduction clearly outlines the topic and your balanced perspective, setting the stage for the discussion.
examples
You provide specific examples, such as the situation in Japan and Vietnam, which help to illustrate your points effectively.
conclusion
The essay ends with a strong conclusion that succinctly summarizes the main points discussed.

Word Count

IELTS says that you should write a minimum of 250 words in writing task 2. If you go under word count you will lose marks in task response.

A very long essay will not give you a higher band score.

Aim for between 260 to 290 words in writing task 2. This will ensure a concise essay and will be realistic in terms of time management. You have only 40 minutes to write the essay and you need around 10 minutes of planning time, so you will not be able to write a long essay in 30 minutes.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

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