Some think secondary and high school students should be allowed to choose academic courses leading to university or practical courses leading to careers such as carpenters. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

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In
this
modern age, some people are of the opinion that scholars should be allowed to choose the stream they prefer to pursue after graduating senior high school. I strongly agree, with
this
notion as some students might
enroll
Change the spelling
enrol
show examples
themselves in the core academic courses and
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
others in trade skills.
Firstly
, the importance of
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
essential fields like medicine and pharma cannot be ignored as
it
Correct pronoun usage
they
show examples
helps
Correct subject-verb agreement
help
show examples
in
maintaining
Wrong verb form
maintain
show examples
the
Correct article usage
apply
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society
Change noun form
society's
show examples
healthy
Replace the word
health
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.
For instance
, during COVID-19 when the whole world was at the risk of collapsing it was only through the efforts of doctors and nurses that kept the community safe.
Moreover
, authorities around the globe are investing more funds in
pharmaceuticals
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pharmaceutical
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companies in order to
order to
Verb problem
apply
show examples
provide
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
nutritional products and medicines for those
of
Change preposition
apply
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who are suffering from
the
Correct article usage
apply
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vitamin deficiency diets.
Thus
, the students taking
this
couse
Correct your spelling
course
as their major stream will help in creating healthier communities.
On the other hand
, practical skills like construction workers and engineers
assists
Change the verb form
assist
show examples
in the development of
infrastructure
Correct article usage
the infrastructure
show examples
of a country
this
will not only provide jobs for the
peoples
Fix the agreement mistake
people
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,
also
it would boost the economy of that particular nation.
For example
, the development of new skyscrapers and apartments in
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
third world
Add a hyphen
third-world
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countries
have
Correct subject-verb agreement
has
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helped in reducing the risks
unemployment
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of unemployment
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,
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apply
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and
eliminating
Wrong verb form
eliminated
show examples
the factors like poverty. In conclusion,
i
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I
show examples
believe that children should be given the opportunity to decide which path they would like to take as it will help in the development of the country.
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Coherence and Cohesion
Consider using more varied transitions and linkers to further enhance the flow between your paragraphs and ideas.
Task Achievement
Ensure that examples are specific and directly related to the main points to strengthen your arguments further.
Coherence and Cohesion
Your essay has a clear introduction and conclusion that effectively frame the response.
Task Achievement
The main points are relevant to the topic and you provide examples to support your ideas.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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