IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5.5

Some people say that advertising encourages people to buy things they do not need. Others say that advertisements are important sources of information about new products. Discuss both views and give your opinion

#people #advertisements #sources #information #products
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Some individuals are of the opinion that
people
Use synonyms
 purchase
products
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 that they do not need through advertising. Others,
nevertheless
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,say that
advertisements
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 are the
value
Replace the word
valuable
show examples
 sources of
informafion
Correct your spelling
information
 about the newly launched
products
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. In
this
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 essay, I would
evalue
Correct your spelling
value
evaluate
 both schools of thought before proposing my own perspective on
this
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 matter. On the one hand, there are many reasons why some
people
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belive
Correct your spelling
believe
show examples
 that advertising
made
Wrong verb form
makes
show examples
people
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to
Change the verb form
apply
show examples
buy some
products
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 not
need
Wrong verb form
needed
show examples
 for their life. Through attractive and creative
advertisements
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,
people
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 are curious, so they
are
Verb problem
can
show examples
 easily buy advertised
products
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 without caring whether it is necessary or not.
Moreover
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, the number of
people
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 have a
habbit
Correct your spelling
habit
 that collecting items
such
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 as fashion, stamps and antiques.
Specially
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Especially
show examples
 in fashion,
people
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 can spend a wide range of money to buy some items with the same design but different in colour.
For example
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, many
artist
Change to a plural noun
artists
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 in Vietnam or in the world have 10 dresses with one design and their purpose is
decoratation
Correct your spelling
decoration
, not wear.
On the other hand
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,
oppoments
Correct your spelling
opponents
 of the previous view claim that the
information
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of
Change preposition
about
show examples
 new
products
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are
Change the verb form
is
show examples
 provided by
advertisements
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.
Firstly
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,
ad
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the ad
an ad
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 is
the
Correct article usage
a
show examples
 tool
helps
Correct pronoun usage
that helps
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 connect customers with
products
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, so companies want advertising to convey the most true
information
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 about the items of consumption.
Therefore
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, the sources of
information
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 become more accurate and reliable.
Secondly
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,
these
Change the determiner
this information
show examples
information
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 can support
people
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 make decisions about the
products
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 they want. Customers can search the news through
advertisements
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in
Change preposition
on
show examples
 the internet like
page
Add an article
a page
the page
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 of
this
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 product, google, and
tiktok
Correct your spelling
TikTok
, so choose the
products
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 suitable with themself. In conclusion, I maintain the viewpoint that
advertisements
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 are important sources of
information
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 about new
products
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.
In addition
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, customers should choose
the
Correct article usage
apply
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reliable
advertisements
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 to buy real
products
Use synonyms
.
Submitted by midden-02.tore on

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task achievement
Try to use more specific examples. For instance, give examples of particular advertisements that have influenced consumer behavior.
task achievement
Be cautious about minor spelling or grammatical errors such as "informafion" instead of "information" and "oppoments" instead of "opponents." Although these don't heavily impact your score, being meticulous can ensure clarity.
coherence and cohesion
Your introduction effectively presents both views and sets up the discussion by clearly stating your plan to evaluate and provide your perspective.
coherence and cohesion
Good use of linking phrases such as "On the one hand..." and "On the other hand..." helps in organizing the essay logically, making it easy to follow the progression of your argument.
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