IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 3.5

Some people think that poverty is the reason behind most crimes. To what extent do you agree or disagree? Give reasons for your answer and include relevant examples from your knowledge or experience.

#people #poverty #reason #crimes
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Some
people
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 think
,
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apply
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 the main
reason
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 for
crimes
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 is financial difficulties. I agree with
this
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 statement and
this
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 essay will detail the reasons why. Some
people
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 think that poverty is the
reason
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 behind most
crimes
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 ,
I
Correct word choice
but I
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told
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apply
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hold the same notion . To get my point across, I will present some
well supposed
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well-supposed
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 arguments.
People
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 who grow up in poor families face many difficulties during their life. They are more likely to resort to crime because they do not have enough money to buy what they want. Financial difficulties and shortages are common in poor families.
For
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this
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reason
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, they often resort to theft.When I was in school, I knew a poor boy named Ulugbek. The boy stole notebooks and pencils from his classmates because he did not have enough money to buy them. Some
people
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 think that poverty is the
reason
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 behind most
crimes
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 ,
I
Correct word choice
but I
show examples
do not have the same perception, In
this
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 essay, I shall put
my
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apply
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forth arguments to support my
wiews
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views
. Poor
people
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 usually have unemployment problems.
People
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 who do not have their own jobs steal to earn money. Since wealthy
people
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 have enough of everything they need for their needs, they are less prone to crime.
To conclude
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, supported by the explanations above . It is safe to state that poor
people
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 tend to commit
crimes
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 against rich
people
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.
Submitted by Teo Halimov on

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Introduction
Make sure your introduction is concise and provides a clear thesis statement. Avoid repetition, as seen in the introduction, where the main idea is repeated redundantly.
Body
Ensure that each paragraph clearly supports your main thesis with relevant details and examples. Avoid contradictions, as the essay presents contradictory viewpoints in some instances.
Conclusion
Develop a stronger conclusion by summarizing the main points and reinforcing your position. The current conclusion could be more impactful.
Coherence & Cohesion
Be sure to structure your paragraphs logically and cohesively, each with a clear main idea. Avoid redundancy and provide smooth transitions between ideas.
Examples
The essay presents relevant examples, like the story of Ulugbek, to support the points made.
Task Response
The essay generally maintains a clear and focused argument throughout, addressing the topic effectively.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

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