IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

Today whereas some people advocate that players must have physical strenght, others argue that mental skills are much important. Discuss both views and give your opinion?

#people #advocate #players #strenght #skills
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There is no denying the fact that athletes must have various qualifications.
While
 it is a commonly held belief that players must have physical
strength
, there is
also
 an argument that mental
skills
 are much more crucial than physical
strength
.
This
 essay will analyze
this
 topic from both points of view and express my opinion.
To begin
 with,
sport
Fix the agreement mistake
sports
show examples
 methods in general include both mental and physical
skills
.
In other words
, athletes train their
muscles
 and brains when they practice.
However
, the majority of people advocate that physical
strength
 is significant for players who
aiming
Change the form of the verb
aim
show examples
 to be a professional in their field.
In addition
, they have a strict daily schedule that
aiming
Change the form of the verb
aims
show examples
 to improve all
there
Correct your spelling
their
show examples
muscles
.
For example
, if an individual was training daily in order to be a football player, his
muscles
 will
growth
Replace the word
grow
show examples
 and enhance. In terms of the importance of mental
skills
 to be a professional athlete, some people advocate that the players must train their brains too. It is
also
 possible to say that our brain is controlling our body orders.
Therefore
, enhancing the brain
strength
 will make these orders accurate and fast which will improve the
body
Change noun form
body's
show examples
moves
Replace the word
movements
show examples
.
For instance
, some studies have proven that the brain
muscles
Change the noun form
muscle
show examples
strength
 will play a significant role in body motion, so if you want to have quick moves you must enhance your mental
skills
. In conclusion, despite people having different points of
views
Fix the agreement mistake
view
show examples
, I'm convinced that all mental and physical
skills
 are crucial to be trained in order to become a professional player.
Submitted by omima7a7md on

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task achievement
Ensure each main point is supported with specific examples or details. The example about brain muscle strength could be more detailed.
task achievement
Work on refining sentence structures and word choice to effectively communicate complex ideas.
coherence cohesion
Consider adding transitions or signposts to clearly guide the reader through your argument, enhancing coherence and cohesion.
coherence cohesion
Review and vary sentence structures for clarity and engagement, particularly in body paragraphs.
introduction conclusion present
The introduction is clear and sets up the topic and purpose of the essay effectively.
introduction conclusion present
The essay concludes with a summative statement reinforcing your opinion, providing closure.
logical structure
The essay discusses both views and ultimately presents a balanced perspective.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • endurance
  • psychological resilience
  • strategic decisions
  • maintain focus
  • manage stress
  • emotional control
  • physical demands
  • performance
  • optimal performance
  • tailored psychological coaching
  • personal growth
  • winning and losing
  • pivotal role
  • physical fitness
  • excelling
  • athlete
  • body mechanics
  • muscle conditioning
  • cardiovascular health
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