IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

Throughout history, people have dreamed of living in a perfect society but nobody has agreed on what an ideal society would look like. What do you think is the most important element needed to make a society perfect? How can the ideal society be achieved?

#history #people #society #nobody #element
✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?
For many years, the vision of an
undoubtable
Correct your spelling
undoubtedly
society
 has increased where
people
 prefer to live in a country with a great
society
,
while
 no one has ever thought about what an ideal
society
 would look like. Humanity can provide a better atmosphere in the nation which can be obtained by respect. I personally believe that a country with respectful
people
 has the potential to become flawless. in the following essay, I am going to explain my perspective opinions.
Firstly
, the importance of humanity is a hard challenge for different countries, the way
people
 take care of one another and be responsible for their social life activities plays a crucial role in
society
.
For example
, driving safely and carefully is a simple act of respecting the law, which would lead to a safe
society
 without any worries about unwanted accidents.
Secondly
, a place where everyone shows some respect to others could be a suitable place to live , where citizens of a city or a country know their actual
right
Fix the agreement mistake
rights
show examples
 as
Add an article
a
show examples
citizen
Fix the agreement mistake
citizens
show examples
 and always try to
contributeto
Correct your spelling
contribute to
apeaceful
Correct your spelling
a peaceful
peaceful
society
 by showing dignity to all the
people
.
For example
, customer care service in any company is responsible for
further
 enquiries about the service they have provided ,it is a good example of how respect for customers can lead to better service. In conclusion, perfectionism and idealization may look fancy in today's community
However
, there are some possible ways to bring peace to
society
 with some actions related to them.
Submitted by kk1994 on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

task achievement
Elaborate more on how respect directly leads to a perfect society, including more diverse examples to demonstrate this connection.
coherence cohesion
Ensure all ideas are fully elaborated and logically sequenced for better understanding.
introduction conclusion present
The essay effectively introduces the main idea and provides a conclusion summarizing the points discussed.
logical structure
Clear main points introduced and explained, focusing on the importance of respect in society.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: