The graph below gives information on the numbers of participants for different activities at one social centre in Melbourne, Australia for the period 2000 to 2020. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.

#information #numbers #participants #activities #centre #melbourne #australia #period #summarise #features #comparisons

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The line graph compares the participation rate of 5 activity clubs in Melbourne,Australia between 2000 and 2020.

Although

Linking Words

there were variations,

overall

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it is clear that

Linking Words

people

Use synonyms

in Melbourne are more interested in watching films than other activities.

Additionally

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, members of Table tennis and Musical performances moved up. At the outset,if 65

people

Use synonyms

keened on movies in 2000,

although

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falling in 2010 (60

participants

Use synonyms

), the group recovered to 67 in 2020.

Moreover

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,Martial arts had approximately 38

participants

Use synonyms

in 2000,and it mirrored the film club's way with 38

people

Use synonyms

in 2020.

However

Linking Words

, Table tennis was in the fourth stage with under 20 delegates in 2000,and after slightly increasing to 20 in 2010 it came to the same level as Amateur dramatics,and after sharply growing

this

Linking Words

group was in second place with over 50 humans.

Furthermore

Linking Words

, locals in the city did not give interest in musical instruments till 2005,and its members numbers went up continually, and they had 20

people

Use synonyms

in 2020.

Nonetheless

Linking Words

, if Amateur

Drammatics

Correct your spelling

Dramatics

had 25

participants

Use synonyms

in 2000,in spite of it

grew

Wrong verb form

growing

show examples

to 30 after five years,after a sharp fall they had only 8

participants

Use synonyms

in 2020.

Submitted by makemoneyizzy16 on Fri Nov 29 2024

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Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "although".

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Vocabulary: Replace the words people, participants with synonyms.

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Vocabulary: The word "table" was used 2 times.

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Vocabulary: The word "fall" was used 2 times.

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9
Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
2
Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
2
Grammar mistakes
detected issues

0123456789.0505

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 8.0

Logical structure

Single idea per paragraph

Introduction & conclusion present

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 5.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 7.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 9.0

Complete response

Suitable writing tone

Appropriate word count

3 paragraphs

187 words

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Topic Vocabulary:

participation rates
trends
significant increases/decreases
stable numbers
fluctuations
overall participation
comparison
activities
social centre
Melbourne
participants
highlight
report
graph illustrates/demonstrates
20-year period
key features
main features
statistical data
variations

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The graph below gives information on the numbers of participants for different activities at one social centre in Melbourne, Australia for the period 2000 to 2020. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.

Many people leave their home country and go to other countries to live and work. Why do you think it is happening? Do the advantages of this trend outweigh its disadvantages?

Every year millions of people around the world suffer from poor health as a result of air pollution. What do you think are the caused of this? What solutions can you suggest?

Some children spend hours every day on their smartphones. Why is this the case? Do you think this is a positive or a negative development?

Some people think it is more important to spend money on roads and motorways than on public transport system such as railways and trams. To what extent do you agree or disagree?