IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 7.5

The graph below gives information on the numbers of participants for different activities at one social centre in Melbourne, Australia for the period 2000 to 2020. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.

The graph below gives information on the numbers of participants for different activities at one social centre in Melbourne, Australia for the period 2000 to 2020. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.
✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?
The line graph compares the participation rate of 5 activity clubs in Melbourne,Australia between 2000 and 2020.
Although
Linking Words
 there were variations,
overall
Linking Words
,
it is clear that
Linking Words
people
Use synonyms
 in Melbourne are more interested in watching films than other activities.
Additionally
Linking Words
, members of Table tennis and Musical performances moved up. At the outset,if 65
people
Use synonyms
 keened on movies in 2000,
although
Linking Words
 falling in 2010 (60
participants
Use synonyms
), the group recovered to 67 in 2020.
Moreover
Linking Words
,Martial arts had approximately 38
participants
Use synonyms
 in 2000,and it mirrored the film club's way with 38
people
Use synonyms
 in 2020.
However
Linking Words
, Table tennis was in the fourth stage with under 20 delegates in 2000,and after slightly increasing to 20 in 2010 it came to the same level as Amateur dramatics,and after sharply growing
this
Linking Words
 group was in second place with over 50 humans.
Furthermore
Linking Words
, locals in the city did not give interest in musical instruments till 2005,and its members numbers went up continually, and they had 20
people
Use synonyms
 in 2020.
Nonetheless
Linking Words
, if Amateur
Drammatics
Correct your spelling
Dramatics
 had 25
participants
Use synonyms
 in 2000,in spite of it
grew
Wrong verb form
growing
show examples
 to 30 after five years,after a sharp fall they had only 8
participants
Use synonyms
 in 2020.

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site's author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "although".
▼
Vocabulary: Replace the words people, participants with synonyms.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "table" was used 2 times.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "fall" was used 2 times.
▼
Topic Vocabulary:
  • participation rates
  • trends
  • significant increases/decreases
  • stable numbers
  • fluctuations
  • overall participation
  • comparison
  • activities
  • social centre
  • Melbourne
  • participants
  • highlight
  • report
  • graph illustrates/demonstrates
  • 20-year period
  • key features
  • main features
  • statistical data
  • variations
What to do next:
Look at other essays: