Many people think that the best way to improve public health is by increasing the number of sports facilities. Others, however, say that this would have little effect on public health and that other measures are required.

In today's world, as technology
became
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has become
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more advanced and humans found ways to live
easier
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easily
show examples
, the obesity rates and
health
proplems
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problems
made
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caused
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by low
activety
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activity
and movement
also
rose
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risen
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significantly.
This
has led to many arguments that promote
exercise
. So, some
people
believe that the best way to make
the
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apply
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sports
an integral part of
lives
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our lives
show examples
,
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apply
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is to make more
sports
facilities.
On the other hand
, others say that
this
factor, has little to no impact on how we see
sports
and we should consider more factors.
To begin
with, increasing the number of facilities mostly helps the individuals who are already taking place in
sports
. In detail, by doing so, we are actually making
extra
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an extra
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place
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places
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for
sport
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sports
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men and
wemen
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women
and
also
making
sports
more
accessable
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accessible
. Clearly, it would not increase the urge
for doing
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to do
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exercise
in
people
.
Infact
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In fact
, what we really need here to help public
health
, is a matter that makes them feel the need
of
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for
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sports
.
Further more
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Furthermore
show examples
, by advertising
sports
and its benefits on different
media
platforms, there would be much more
noticable
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noticeable
effects on public
health
.
For instance
, If we start talking about the advantages of doing
exercise
like slowing
age
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the age
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sycle
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cycle
, getting a fit body,
loosing
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losing
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weight
and
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apply
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ect
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etc.
., more often on social
media
, more
people
would be informed about these facts and get to work.
As
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A
show examples
diet
also
plays a big role in
health
, another method can be used too, which is informing
people
about the harms of eating unhealthy foods, as it would scare them and shows them the
impotance
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importance
of
on
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apply
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a healthy diet.
For example
, different
disease
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diseases
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including diabetes, high blood
presure
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pressure
and heart problems could be
mentiond
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mentioned
on platforms like the TVs and social
media
. In conclusion, increasing the number of
sports
facilities is not the best or
efficiante
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efficient
option to make
people
more
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apply
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healthy and other factors need to be included. diet and daily
exercise
are two major keys to having a
more healthy
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healthier
show examples
society,
which
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and
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both need to be highlighted in
media
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the media
show examples
to make
people
realise what is going on.
Submitted by Taha Sol. on

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task achievement
Try to develop your ideas more comprehensively. For instance, when suggesting that advertising sports benefits could affect public health, elaborate on how this change might occur in society.
coherence cohesion
Check the usage of some words and correct spelling mistakes such as 'activety', 'proplems', 'accessable', 'noticable', 'sycle', 'loosıng', 'ect.', 'disease', 'pressure', 'mentiond', 'efficiant'. Correct spelling enhances clarity.
task achievement
Your essay could benefit from more examples or evidence to support your main points. This would help in developing points effectively.
introduction conclusion
Your introduction sets the scene well by discussing the context of technology and health issues, leading smoothly into the debate on sports facilities.
coherence cohesion
The essay has a clear structure with an introduction, body paragraphs discussing both sides of the argument, and a conclusion.
task achievement
You make a good effort to showcase different viewpoints about the impact of sports facilities on public health.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Get your IELTS Essential Vocabulary List —
Topic Vocabulary:
  • public health
  • sports facilities
  • physical activity
  • exercise
  • chronic diseases
  • heart disease
  • obesity
  • inclusivity
  • participation
  • safe environment
  • social interaction
  • community engagement
  • comprehensive approach
  • health education programs
  • environmental factors
  • healthcare infrastructure
  • quality healthcare services
  • public health initiatives
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