Many people think that the best way to improve public health is by increasing the number of sports facilities. Others, however, say that this would have little effect on public health and that other measures are required.
In today's world, as technology
became
more advanced and humans found ways to live Wrong verb form
has become
easier
, the obesity rates and Replace the word
easily
health
proplems
Correct your spelling
problems
made
by low Verb problem
caused
activety
and movement Correct your spelling
activity
also
rose
significantly. Wrong verb form
risen
This
has led to many arguments that promote exercise
. So, some people
believe that the best way to make the
Correct article usage
apply
sports
an integral part of lives
Correct pronoun usage
our lives
,
is to make more Remove the comma
apply
sports
facilities. On the other hand
, others say that this
factor, has little to no impact on how we see sports
and we should consider more factors.
To begin
with, increasing the number of facilities mostly helps the individuals who are already taking place in sports
. In detail, by doing so, we are actually making extra
Add an article
an extra
place
for Fix the agreement mistake
places
sport
men and Change the noun form
sports
wemen
and Correct your spelling
women
also
making sports
more accessable
. Clearly, it would not increase the urge Correct your spelling
accessible
for doing
Change preposition
to do
exercise
in people
. Infact
, what we really need here to help public Correct your spelling
In fact
health
, is a matter that makes them feel the need of
Change preposition
for
sports
.
Further more
, by advertising Correct your spelling
Furthermore
sports
and its benefits on different media
platforms, there would be much more noticable
effects on public Correct your spelling
noticeable
health
. For instance
, If we start talking about the advantages of doing exercise
like slowing age
Correct article usage
the age
sycle
, getting a fit body, Correct your spelling
cycle
loosing
weight Replace the word
losing
and
Correct word choice
apply
ect
., more often on social Correct your spelling
etc.
media
, more people
would be informed about these facts and get to work.
As
diet Correct your spelling
A
also
plays a big role in health
, another method can be used too, which is informing people
about the harms of eating unhealthy foods, as it would scare them and shows them the impotance
of Correct your spelling
importance
on
a healthy diet. Change preposition
apply
For example
, different disease
including diabetes, high blood Fix the agreement mistake
diseases
presure
and heart problems could be Correct your spelling
pressure
mentiond
on platforms like the TVs and social Correct your spelling
mentioned
media
.
In conclusion, increasing the number of sports
facilities is not the best or efficiante
option to make Correct your spelling
efficient
people
more
healthy and other factors need to be included. diet and daily Correct quantifier usage
apply
exercise
are two major keys to having a more healthy
society, Correct word choice
healthier
which
both need to be highlighted in Correct word choice
and
media
to make Correct article usage
the media
people
realise what is going on.Submitted by Taha Sol. on
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task achievement
Try to develop your ideas more comprehensively. For instance, when suggesting that advertising sports benefits could affect public health, elaborate on how this change might occur in society.
coherence cohesion
Check the usage of some words and correct spelling mistakes such as 'activety', 'proplems', 'accessable', 'noticable', 'sycle', 'loosıng', 'ect.', 'disease', 'pressure', 'mentiond', 'efficiant'. Correct spelling enhances clarity.
task achievement
Your essay could benefit from more examples or evidence to support your main points. This would help in developing points effectively.
introduction conclusion
Your introduction sets the scene well by discussing the context of technology and health issues, leading smoothly into the debate on sports facilities.
coherence cohesion
The essay has a clear structure with an introduction, body paragraphs discussing both sides of the argument, and a conclusion.
task achievement
You make a good effort to showcase different viewpoints about the impact of sports facilities on public health.
Fully explain your ideas
To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).
For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:
- Paragraph 1 - Introduction
- Sentence 1 - Background statement
- Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
- Sentence 3 - Thesis
- Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
- Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
- Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
- Sentence 2 - Example
- Sentence 3 - Discussion
- Sentence 4 - Conclusion
- Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
- Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
- Sentence 2 - Example
- Sentence 3 - Discussion
- Sentence 4 - Conclusion
- Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
- Sentence 1 - Summary
- Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
- Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation
Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.