Also believe their children who spend time in front of screen is beneficial while others are against this discuss both

#children #time #front #screen #discuss

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Social media or

technology

Use synonyms

is seen as a necessity in today’s world. From some perspectives, some people think that spending more

time

Use synonyms

in front of screens is retarding

children

Use synonyms

’s development. I think both sides of the opinion have finer arguments to discuss. To commence with the opinion that screen

time

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is working oppositely to teenagers’ growth. It is generally noticed that

children

Use synonyms

are losing interest in physical activities by spending

time

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with screens and the main reason behind

this

Linking Words

argument is the easy access

Change preposition

show examples

technological gadgets.

This

Linking Words

lack of interest in outdoor activities results in

the

Correct article usage

apply

show examples

physical fitness issues which

then

Linking Words

led

Wrong verb form

lead

show examples

to various medical problems a lot of

Use synonyms

children’s

Change noun form

children

show examples

are facing these days. So, the concern is genuine because

the

Correct article usage

apply

show examples

physical health is

also

Linking Words

very important in

pupil’s

Correct article usage

a pupil’s

show examples

growth. On the other side, some people support screen

time

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because they think that in the world of

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technology

Add a comma

technology,

show examples

their

offsprings

Fix the agreement mistake

offspring

show examples

should

be delve

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delve

show examples

into

latest

Add an article

the latest

show examples

technology

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. With the advancements in the generation

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technology

Add a comma

technology,

show examples

it is important for everyone to learn about the advanced of technologies and if teenagers start learning from

small

Correct word choice

a young

show examples

age

then

Linking Words

it would be beneficial for them in the upcoming future.

Moreover

Linking Words

, some parents do not have

time

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for their

children

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that

Correct word choice

show examples

they encourage them to do parallel

Change preposition

apply

show examples

outdoor activities, so they think that screen is the best way to keep their

children

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involve

Change the form of the verb

involved

show examples

in doing something. In conclusion, physical health should be the first priority in the pupil’s development and parents should encourage them to take part in

physical

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physically

show examples

demanded

Wrong verb form

demanding

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sports.

Also

Linking Words

, it is most important to focus on what

does

Unnecessary verb

apply

show examples

children

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consume on

internet

Add an article

the internet

show examples

rather than how long they stay online.

Submitted by sarabjeetk8899 on Sat Nov 30 2024

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

task achievement

Ensure a clear and concise thesis statement in the introduction to provide a roadmap for the essay.

task achievement

Include more concrete examples to support your arguments, particularly in the paragraph supporting screen time.

coherence cohesion

Improve transition between paragraphs to enhance the flow of ideas and maintain reader engagement.

task achievement

The essay addresses both sides of the argument, which is a strong approach for discussing this topic.

coherence cohesion

The conclusion effectively summarizes the main points discussed and provides a clear stance.

language use

Vocabulary and sentence structures are varied, showing a good command of the language.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

Paragraph 1 - Introduction

Sentence 1 - Background statement
Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
Sentence 3 - Thesis
Sentence 4 - Outline sentence

Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph

Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
Sentence 2 - Example
Sentence 3 - Discussion
Sentence 4 - Conclusion

Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph

Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
Sentence 2 - Example
Sentence 3 - Discussion
Sentence 4 - Conclusion

Paragraph 4 - Conclusion

Sentence 1 - Summary
Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

4
Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
3
Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
19
Grammar mistakes
detected issues

0123456789.0505

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 4.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 4.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 5.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

4 paragraphs

278 words

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Also believe their children who spend time in front of screen is beneficial while others are against this discuss both

Fully explain your ideas

The leaders or directors of organizations are often older people. But some people say that young people can also be a leader. Do you agree or disagree?

The best way to reduce poverty in developing countries is by giving up to six years of free education so that they can at least read, write, and use numbers. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

Nowadays, some families want their child to learn at home instead of learn at school. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

Some people argue that art, such as paintings and music are a waste of money and and the government should spend this money on pubic service To what extent do you agree or disagree with this statement?

What are the advantages and disadvantages of using social media? Give reasons for your answers and include any relevant example from your own knowledge or experience.