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Also believe their children who spend time in front of screen is beneficial while others are against this discuss both

#children #time #front #screen #discuss
Social media or
technology
 is seen as a necessity in today’s world. From some perspectives, some people think that spending more
time
 in front of screens is retarding
children
’s development. I think both sides of the opinion have finer arguments to discuss. To commence with the opinion that screen
time
 is working oppositely to teenagers’ growth. It is generally noticed that
children
 are losing interest in physical activities by spending
time
 with screens and the main reason behind
this
 argument is the easy access
of
Change preposition
to
show examples
 technological gadgets.
This
 lack of interest in outdoor activities results in
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
physical fitness issues which
then
led
Wrong verb form
lead
show examples
 to various medical problems a lot of
children’s
Change noun form
children
show examples
 are facing these days. So, the concern is genuine because
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
physical health is
also
 very important in
pupil’s
Correct article usage
a pupil’s
show examples
 growth. On the other side, some people support screen
time
 because they think that in the world of
technology
Add a comma
technology,
show examples
 their
offsprings
Fix the agreement mistake
offspring
show examples
 should
be delve
Change the verb form
delve
show examples
 into
latest
Add an article
the latest
show examples
technology
. With the advancements in the generation
technology
Add a comma
technology,
show examples
 it is important for everyone to learn about the advanced of technologies and if teenagers start learning from
small
Correct word choice
a young
show examples
 age
then
 it would be beneficial for them in the upcoming future.
Moreover
, some parents do not have
time
 for their
children
that
Correct word choice
so
show examples
 they encourage them to do parallel
in
Change preposition
apply
show examples
outdoor activities, so they think that screen is the best way to keep their
children
involve
Change the form of the verb
involved
show examples
 in doing something. In conclusion, physical health should be the first priority in the pupil’s development and parents should encourage them to take part in
physical
Change the word
physically
show examples
demanded
Wrong verb form
demanding
show examples
 sports.
Also
, it is most important to focus on what
does
Unnecessary verb
apply
show examples
children
 consume on
internet
Add an article
the internet
show examples
 rather than how long they stay online.
Submitted by sarabjeetk8899 on

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task achievement
Ensure a clear and concise thesis statement in the introduction to provide a roadmap for the essay.
task achievement
Include more concrete examples to support your arguments, particularly in the paragraph supporting screen time.
coherence cohesion
Improve transition between paragraphs to enhance the flow of ideas and maintain reader engagement.
task achievement
The essay addresses both sides of the argument, which is a strong approach for discussing this topic.
coherence cohesion
The conclusion effectively summarizes the main points discussed and provides a clear stance.
language use
Vocabulary and sentence structures are varied, showing a good command of the language.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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