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Writing Samples
Band 5

MANY JOBS USED TO BE DONE BY HANDS, BUT NOWADAYS AN INCREASING NUMBER OF THEM ARE DONE BY USING MACHINES INSTEAD. DISCUSS THE ADVANTAGES AND DISADVANTAGES OF THIS DEVELOPMENT?

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In
this
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 contemporary world, the technological revolution has
bought
Correct your spelling
brought
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 drastic variations in various fields. It is believed that most of the jobs
are
Wrong verb form
were
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 done by manpower previously,
whereas
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 now machines
took
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have taken
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 over these all works
due to
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the
Correct article usage
apply
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modernization.
This
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 essay will accentuate the positive and negative
aspect
Fix the agreement mistake
aspects
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 of
this
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 trend. To commence with the benefits of
this
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 development.
Initially
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, there are a plethora of pros utilizing
advance
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advanced
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 techniques in jobs. First and foremost
is
Unnecessary verb
apply
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individuals can make their lives convenient and less stressful. To be more precise, with the aid of modern equipment,
people
Use synonyms
 can accomplish their tasks rapidly, and they do not need to put a lot of
efforts
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effort
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to make
Change preposition
into making
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 it perfect.
For instance
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, the newly launched Dyson vacuum cleaner has multiple features which
cleans
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clean
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 up even the tiny particles with
the
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apply
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its innovative
ultra -feature
Correct your spelling
ultra-feature
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.
As a result
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, it can be quick
as well as
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 easy to use, and
people
Use synonyms
 do not need to worry about cleaning their
house
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houses
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 thoroughly.
Moreover
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, it can be conducive for organizations to have advanced tools so that they can finish their tasks quickly.
Consequently
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, it will reduce time and do multiple things in a minute.
However
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,
this
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 development
also
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 has cons which one cannot deny.
Firstly
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,
people
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 are becoming unproductive and fully dependent on technology.
In other words
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, advancements are making
people
Use synonyms
 lethargic which
force
Correct subject-verb agreement
forces
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 them to rely on it. To exemplify, a survey conducted by Forbes magazine states that 78.5% of
population
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the population
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 is facing health
issue
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issues
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 because of being unproductive and solely
reliance
Replace the word
relying
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 on automation.
In addition
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,
decline
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the decline
a decline
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 in
the
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apply
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employment is another reason for
this
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. Simply, most
of
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apply
show examples
the
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apply
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companies are opting for
automations
Correct your spelling
automation
due to
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 its benefits and convenience.
Hence
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, technology eliminated
the
Correct article usage
apply
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manpower and started ruling the world.
To conclude
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,
although
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 there is
not any
Rephrase
no
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 doubt that
advent
Correct article usage
the advent
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in
Change preposition
of
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 technology makes
people
Use synonyms
’s lives much easier and
tranquil
Correct quantifier usage
more tranquil
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.
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Whereas
Correct word choice
However
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, it can
also
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 make individuals
a
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apply
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couch
potato
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potatoes
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 which is dangerous to them in many ways. There should be
the
Correct article usage
a
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 balance between the utilization of human resources and technical things so that humans will not put their lives in jeopardy.

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coherence cohesion
Ensure that each paragraph develops a distinct idea about the advantages or disadvantages. This can improve the clarity and organization of your essay.
task achievement
Try to elaborate more on each point with detailed explanations and relevant examples to strengthen your arguments.
coherence cohesion
Focus on improving the logical flow between sentences and paragraphs for smoother transitions.
coherence cohesion
The introduction effectively sets up the discussion by presenting the topic and indicating the intention to explore positives and negatives.
task achievement
The essay provides a balanced view, discussing both advantages and disadvantages of the development.
task achievement
Each paragraph has a clear purpose and relates to the task effectively.

Your opinion

Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.

If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.

Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.

Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:

...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

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