IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

MANY JOBS USED TO BE DONE BY HANDS, BUT NOWADAYS AN INCREASING NUMBER OF THEM ARE DONE BY USING MACHINES INSTEAD. DISCUSS THE ADVANTAGES AND DISADVANTAGES OF THIS DEVELOPMENT?

#jobs #hands #machines #development
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In
this
 contemporary world, the technological revolution has
bought
Correct your spelling
brought
show examples
 drastic variations in various fields. It is believed that most of the jobs
are
Wrong verb form
were
show examples
 done by manpower previously,
whereas
 now machines
took
Wrong verb form
have taken
show examples
 over these all works
due to
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
modernization.
This
 essay will accentuate the positive and negative
aspect
Fix the agreement mistake
aspects
show examples
 of
this
 trend. To commence with the benefits of
this
 development.
Initially
, there are a plethora of pros utilizing
advance
Replace the word
advanced
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 techniques in jobs. First and foremost
is
Unnecessary verb
apply
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individuals can make their lives convenient and less stressful. To be more precise, with the aid of modern equipment,
people
 can accomplish their tasks rapidly, and they do not need to put a lot of
efforts
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effort
show examples
to make
Change preposition
into making
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 it perfect.
For instance
, the newly launched Dyson vacuum cleaner has multiple features which
cleans
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clean
show examples
 up even the tiny particles with
the
Remove the article
apply
show examples
its innovative
ultra -feature
Correct your spelling
ultra-feature
show examples
.
As a result
, it can be quick
as well as
 easy to use, and
people
 do not need to worry about cleaning their
house
Fix the agreement mistake
houses
show examples
 thoroughly.
Moreover
, it can be conducive for organizations to have advanced tools so that they can finish their tasks quickly.
Consequently
, it will reduce time and do multiple things in a minute.
However
,
this
 development
also
 has cons which one cannot deny.
Firstly
,
people
 are becoming unproductive and fully dependent on technology.
In other words
, advancements are making
people
 lethargic which
force
Correct subject-verb agreement
forces
show examples
 them to rely on it. To exemplify, a survey conducted by Forbes magazine states that 78.5% of
population
Add an article
the population
show examples
 is facing health
issue
Fix the agreement mistake
issues
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 because of being unproductive and solely
reliance
Replace the word
relying
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 on automation.
In addition
,
decline
Add an article
the decline
a decline
show examples
 in
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
employment is another reason for
this
. Simply, most
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
companies are opting for
automations
Correct your spelling
automation
due to
 its benefits and convenience.
Hence
, technology eliminated
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
manpower and started ruling the world.
To conclude
,
although
 there is
not any
Rephrase
no
show examples
 doubt that
advent
Correct article usage
the advent
show examples
in
Change preposition
of
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 technology makes
people
’s lives much easier and
tranquil
Correct quantifier usage
more tranquil
show examples
.
Whereas
Correct word choice
However
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, it can
also
 make individuals
a
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
couch
potato
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potatoes
show examples
 which is dangerous to them in many ways. There should be
the
Correct article usage
a
show examples
 balance between the utilization of human resources and technical things so that humans will not put their lives in jeopardy.
Submitted by harmeetkohli31 on

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coherence cohesion
Ensure that each paragraph develops a distinct idea about the advantages or disadvantages. This can improve the clarity and organization of your essay.
task achievement
Try to elaborate more on each point with detailed explanations and relevant examples to strengthen your arguments.
coherence cohesion
Focus on improving the logical flow between sentences and paragraphs for smoother transitions.
coherence cohesion
The introduction effectively sets up the discussion by presenting the topic and indicating the intention to explore positives and negatives.
task achievement
The essay provides a balanced view, discussing both advantages and disadvantages of the development.
task achievement
Each paragraph has a clear purpose and relates to the task effectively.

Your opinion

Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.

If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.

Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.

Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:

...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?

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