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Band 5.5

Some people think that the best way to stay fit is joining a gym or health clubs. While others think That doing everyday activities such as walking or climbing stairs is enough. Discuss both aspects give Your Own opinion

#people #gym #health #clubs #activities #stairs #aspects
It is often argued that the proper way to stay strong and healthy is to commence a
gym
 or fitness
center
Change the spelling
centre
show examples
,
while
 others argue that engaging in daily
activities
 including jogging or stair climbing.
Although
 doing day-to-day
activities
 is cost-free, I believe that starting
gym
activities
 provides easy access to different
machines
 which helps individuals to get the best results. On the one hand, the advocates of the idea
that
Change preposition
of
show examples
 performing daily routine
activies
Correct your spelling
activities
 believe that they are not required to pay for getting
exercise
. They can spend
these money
Change the determiner
this money
show examples
for
Change preposition
on
show examples
 other household tasks. As an example, a survey
was
Unnecessary verb
apply
show examples
conducted by
Exercise
Correct article usage
an Exercise
show examples
 physiologist revealed that most
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
women prefer to do daily walking exercises to save money on
gym
 memberships.
However
, I do not believe that these
activities
 help them to achieve
best
Correct article usage
the best
show examples
 results.
On the other hand
, the opponents
who
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
hold the view that joining the fitness centers
encourage
Correct subject-verb agreement
encourages
show examples
 them to continue
exercise
Wrong verb form
exercising
show examples
 because they can access
to
Change preposition
apply
show examples
various
machines
 and
able
Add a missing verb
are able
show examples
 to do different
exercise
Fix the agreement mistake
exercises
show examples
. As
indiviuals
Correct your spelling
individuals
 can
strength
Replace the word
strengthen
show examples
 every group of muscles using
machines
 even they can do cardio and balance
exercise
Fix the agreement mistake
exercises
show examples
 as well. For
intance
Correct your spelling
instance
, most of the gyms in Australia have
full
Add an article
a full
the full
show examples
 set of
machines
 for addressing the anatomy of muscles. I believe
this
 view has more benefits to individuals
keep
Wrong verb form
keeping
show examples
 their
body
Fix the agreement mistake
bodies
show examples
 in
Change the article
a healtheir
show examples
healtheir
Correct your spelling
healthier
 manner. In conclusion,
although
 following daily
activities
save
Correct subject-verb agreement
saves
show examples
 money, starting
gym
activites
Correct your spelling
activities
 can achieve
best
Correct article usage
the best
show examples
 results
becasue
Correct your spelling
because
 of the chance of accessing
variety
Add an article
a variety
show examples
 of
machines
 which help to activate all muscles.
Submitted by surangaprasad90 on

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coherence cohesion
To enhance the coherence of your essay, aim to create stronger links between paragraphs and ensure each idea flows seamlessly into the next. Transition words and phrases can be useful here.
task achievement
Make sure to address the pros and cons of both sides more evenly in order to create a more balanced discussion, thus fulfilling the task achievement criteria effectively.
task achievement
Consider incorporating more detailed and specific examples to clearly illustrate your points. This can help to strengthen your argument and task response.
coherence cohesion
Your essay has a clear introduction and conclusion, effectively framing the discussion.
task achievement
The essay effectively presents both sides of the argument, which shows a good understanding of the topic.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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