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Writing Samples
Band 6

Students perform better in school when they are rewarded rather than punished. Discuss both views and give your own opinion.

#students #school
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Some
people
Use synonyms
 believe that rewarding
people
Use synonyms
 is the best
way
Use synonyms
 to perform better in
school
Use synonyms
.
However
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, others are more down to the idea that punishment is better than reward. I personally believe that rewarding
students
Use synonyms
 is a good
way
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. On the one hand, supporters of rewards argue that it is the best
way
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 to improve learning at
school
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. First and foremost it motivates children to study more. When pupils are rewarded they want to reward again and engage in class discussions and group projects.
For example
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, teachers often use extrinsic rewards like certifications or prizes and it motivates
students
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.
As a result
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,
people
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 who study at
school
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 want these prizes and do their best. Another benefit of
this
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 it makes learning fun. As pupils really love prizes and to achieve
this
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 they compete with each other and it makes lessons fun.
On the other hand
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, critics of punishment believe that it is useful to punish
students
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 rather than reward pupils. First of all, it scares children who do not do their homework or misbehave in lessons.
For instance
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, when a pupil misbehaves in lessons or does not their home teacher punishes
this
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 student afterwards the student is shy around classmates.
As a result
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,
this
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 pupil does not misbehave in class and always does homework. In
this
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way
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, these
people
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 can improve his or her behaviour. In conclusion,
students
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 perform better at
school
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 when they are rewarded rather than punished.
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task achievement
Try to provide more specific examples or data to support your points, such as studies or statistics, to make your arguments more convincing.
task achievement
Ensure that your arguments for both viewpoints are equally balanced. Try to elaborate more on the perspective you find less convincing to show a thorough understanding of the topic.
coherence cohesion
Work on improving the logical flow between paragraphs. This will help guide the reader through your arguments more smoothly.
coherence cohesion
The essay has a clear introduction and conclusion, which provides a good structure to the argument.
task achievement
The essay addresses both perspectives on the topic, which shows an understanding of different viewpoints.
task achievement
There is a clear preference expressed in the conclusion, strengthening your personal stance.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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