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Writing Samples
Band 6

The charts below give information about the way in which water used in different countries in 2000. Summaries the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.

The charts below give information about the way in which water used in different countries in 2000. Summaries the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.
#information #water #countries #summaries #features #comparisons
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There are two charts above. The bar
chart
Use synonyms
 and pie
chart
Use synonyms
 depict information about how households in four different countries in 2000 used
water
Use synonyms
 daily.
Overall
Linking Words
, it can be seen that
agriculture
Use synonyms
 was dominating among other fields. Meanwhile, Canada was dominated by
industry
Use synonyms
.
First,
Linking Words
on the bar
chart
Use synonyms
,
agriculture
Use synonyms
 needs
water
Use synonyms
 as
many
Correct quantifier usage
much
show examples
 as 70 per
cent
Use synonyms
while
Linking Words
industry
Use synonyms
 only needs 22 per
cent
Use synonyms
.
On the other hand
Linking Words
, domestic has a small percentage of
water
Use synonyms
, which was 8 per
cent
Use synonyms
. Moving to the bar
chart
Use synonyms
,
agriculture
Use synonyms
 in China used
water
Use synonyms
 about 69 per
cent
Use synonyms
.
Then
Linking Words
, domestic and
industry
Use synonyms
 were 9 and 22 per
cent
Use synonyms
, respectively. More than 90 per
cent
Use synonyms
 of
water
Use synonyms
 was used for
agriculture
Use synonyms
 in India.
Besides
Linking Words
 that, people allocated it for
industry
Use synonyms
 and domestic.
Furthermore
Linking Words
, in New Zealand,
agriculture
Use synonyms
 and domestic had a big portion of using
water
Use synonyms
.
In contrast
Linking Words
,
industry
Use synonyms
 only used 10 per
cent
Use synonyms
 of
water
Use synonyms
.
Last
Linking Words
 country,
in
Change preposition
apply
show examples
Canada, the
citizen
Fix the agreement mistake
citizens
show examples
 more focused on
indsutry
Correct your spelling
industry
 rather than other fields,
Linking Words
that
Correct pronoun usage
which
show examples
 is why they need 80 per
cent
Use synonyms
 of
water
Use synonyms
 for
industry
Use synonyms
.
Submitted by wishmeluck  on

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Basic structure: Change the third paragraph.
▼
Vocabulary: Replace the words chart, water, agriculture, industry, cent with synonyms.
▼
Vocabulary: Rephrase the word "information" in your introduction.
▼
Vocabulary: Only 5 basic words for charts were used.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "charts" was used 5 times.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "about" was used 2 times.
▼
Vocabulary: Use several vocabularies to present the data in the third paragraph.
▼
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