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Writing Samples
Band 7.5

The line graph shows the average prices of tickets sold at a theatre and the bar chart shows the average percentage of tickets sold in 2010 and 2011. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features and make comparisons where relevant.

The line graph shows the average prices of tickets sold at a theatre and the bar chart shows the average percentage of tickets sold in 2010 and 2011. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features and make comparisons where relevant.
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The data presents the general
sales
Use synonyms
 of tickets at a theatre using the pound as a unit.
Additionally
Linking Words
, the bar chart gives information about the proportion of ticket
sales
Use synonyms
 from 2010 to 2011.
Overall
Linking Words
, there was a fluctuating trend in the prices of the tickets at a movie place.
Also
Linking Words
, the percentage of
sales
Use synonyms
 was visibly higher during the fourth
quarter
Use synonyms
 of the covered years. In detail, ticket prices started just above 9
pounds
Use synonyms
 in the first and
second
Use synonyms
quarter
Use synonyms
 of the initial year,
however
Linking Words
, there was a sudden significant incline to 10.5
pounds
Use synonyms
 in the third
quarter
Use synonyms
.
This
Linking Words
 price remained stable up until the
second
Use synonyms
quarter
Use synonyms
 of the following year when it slowly declined to a little more than 10
pounds
Use synonyms
.
Conversely
Linking Words
, it went up again after the 3rd
quarter
Use synonyms
 mirroring its previous amount at 10.5
pounds
Use synonyms
.
Furthermore
Linking Words
, in 2010, the percentage of ticket
sales
Use synonyms
 was equal from the first to
second
Use synonyms
quarter
Use synonyms
 at 60%. About 10% was decreased in the next
quarter
Use synonyms
, but it increased to 80% in the
last
Linking Words
quarter
Use synonyms
 of that year. In comparison to 2011,
although
Linking Words
, the initial and
second
Use synonyms
quarter
Use synonyms
’s proportions were still similar, it went down to 20% from the first to the
second
Use synonyms
quarter
Use synonyms
 which was 40% lower than its fraction in 2010.
Finally
Linking Words
, it was slowly rising reaching more than 60% in the
last
Linking Words
quarter
Use synonyms
 of 2011.

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Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "last".
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Conclusion: The conclusion is too long.
Vocabulary: Replace the words sales, quarter, pounds, second with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: The word "percentage" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "proportion" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "went up" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "about" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "slowly" was used 2 times.
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