With the improvements in today’s health care, society has to care for more and more elderly people. Do you feel that society will be able to cope with the increase in numbers of elderly people today and how can it be managed? Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience.

#improvements #today’s #health #care #society #people #numbers

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Regarding healthcare development , a number of elderly communities can access to public health system. Meanwhile, society needs to cope with an increased number of aged people.

Therefore

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, several managements are created to deal with an ageing community. The following reasons and examples will be discussed below.

First,

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one of the most obvious conductions is promoting fitness and well-being for the elderly population. Many policies should provide accessible treatments and health-reinforcing activities to the elders.

For instance

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, Chatchart Sittipun, a recent Bangkok incumbent, stated that some policies are arranged to improve better quality of life in the elderly groups

such

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as strengthening the primary healthcare centre to be more efficient in both preventing and treating diseases or creating ageing clusters for doing various activities together in the public space for enhancing health.

In addition

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, providing more jobs to elderly society is optional to the ones who are still eager to make a living is one of the solutions. A career not only makes value to a jobber but

also

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stimulates the economy in general.

On the other hand

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, preparing younger generations to be ready to get older in the future is as crucial as solving when they already are seniors. Especially in finance, the government should educate about allocating money from the first grade of school to graduating. Retirement plan

also

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should be added as an annual important meeting in each company. To illustrate

this

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, the Bank of Thailand suggested that young adults should know their own income and monthly expenses to assess and plan

further

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retirement years for comfortable living.

To conclude

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, people are able to live longer

due to

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an improvement in the healthcare system. Handling to ageing society is supporting welfare and

also

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necessary to initiate financial planning courses for younger ones.

Submitted by amittawin on Sun Dec 01 2024

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task achievement

The essay addresses the question but could benefit from more focus on directly answering the main points of the prompt. For example, consider more explicit discussion on whether society will be able to cope.

coherence and cohesion

Ensure each paragraph flows logically into the next. Some transitions between ideas could be smoother to improve the overall coherence.

task achievement

Strengthen the main points with clearer examples and more detailed explanations. Include personal experience or data to add weight to your arguments.

coherence and cohesion

The essay has a clear introduction and conclusion, which help to frame the main discussion points well.

task achievement

Good use of examples, such as referencing public figures and organizations, adds credibility.

task achievement

The essay does well in suggesting concrete solutions, such as promoting fitness and financial planning.

Your opinion

Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.

If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.

Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.

Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:

...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?

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11
Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
0
Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
0
Grammar mistakes
detected issues

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Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 9.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 9.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 6.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

4 paragraphs

295 words

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