Some people say that the best way to improve public health is by increasing the number of sports facilities. Others, however, say that this would have little effect on public health and that other measures are required. Discuss both views and give your own opinion.
Public
health
improvment
is vital in any developed society and well-being. It is considered by some that increasing Correct your spelling
improvement
in
Change preposition
apply
sports
facilites
numbers can improve public Correct your spelling
facilities
health
. While
others believe that there are also
measures must take into considerationthan
. Correct your spelling
consideration than
consideration that
However
, In my opinion, sports
amenities are not enough solution we need an effective strategies
with it for public Correct the article-noun agreement
an effective strategy
effective strategies
heath
enhancement.
On the one hand, advocates of building more Correct your spelling
health
sports
facilities
argue that it promotes physical activity among the population. This
is because sports
facilities
play a vital role in enhancing fitness and reducing obesity, which can encourage people to exercise. For example
, in big cities public parks where can people walk and providing
Verb problem
apply
sports
spaces such
as swimming pools and gyms can increase people's regular exercises
.
Fix the agreement mistake
exercise
On the other hand
, critics argue that sports
facilities
alone are insufficient to address public health
issues. Nutritional awareness is essential to enhance well-being and reduce the risk of chronic diseases. Providing awareness programs could help to prevent diseases such
as blood pressure and heart problems, which can reduce the need for expensive treatment later. Moreover
, government
should improve public Add an article
the government
health
and increase the ability to access to
its services by expanding the access range of healthcare to all individuals in society Change preposition
apply
although
their location and their social and financial status. This
result
in preventing infection Fix the agreement mistake
results
spreading
.
in conclusion, even though building Change preposition
from spreading
sports
facilities
such
as places for swimming and walking play a crucial role to improve
public Change preposition
in improving
health
, there are also
measures required to develop public health
which could work alongside the facilities
to build healthy
society.Add an article
a healthy
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coherence and cohesion
Some sentences could be more structured, especially in the first paragraph. Enhancing sentence cohesion will improve the overall readability.
task achievement
While the response deals well with both views, clearer differentiation between the views could strengthen your argumentation.
coherence and cohesion
The introduction sets the stage well for discussing both points of view, and the conclusion effectively summarizes the main points of your argument.
task achievement
You have acknowledged both sides of the argument, which shows a balanced approach to the topic.