IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 2.5

Nowadays children mostly spend time playing computer games rather than sports.

#children #time #computer #games #sports
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Numerous
children
Use synonyms
 these days commonly get into playing
computer
Use synonyms
 rather than sports .I personally believe that playing
computer
Use synonyms
games
Use synonyms
 to poorer than
sport
Change the noun form
sports
show examples
games
Use synonyms
. There are several reasons why some
children
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 prefer
to
Change preposition
apply
show examples
computer
Use synonyms
games
Use synonyms
 rather than
sport
Fix the agreement mistake
sports
show examples
.
This
Linking Words
 is because
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
children
Use synonyms
 spend leisure
time
Use synonyms
 is a positive development.And they are improving their cognitive development.Which range from challenges
require
Correct pronoun usage
that require
show examples
 critical thinking to problem solving.
As well as
Linking Words
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
children
Use synonyms
 spend
time
Use synonyms
 playing
computer
Use synonyms
games
Use synonyms
rathet
Correct your spelling
rather
 than sports.
Moreover
Linking Words
, video
games
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 help build 
computer
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 skills and abilities.
For instance
Linking Words
,keyboard navigation,hand-eye coordination and online networking.
Despitr
Correct your spelling
Despite
 these reasons,I object to
children
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spend
Wrong verb form
spending
show examples
time
Use synonyms
 commonly
computer
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games
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.
Computer
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games
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 lead to health problems,which range from bad posture,
overweightness
Change preposition
to overweightness
show examples
 and vision impairment.
And these
Correct word choice
These
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 problems
arrive
Verb problem
arise
show examples
 when
children
Use synonyms
 develop poor habits.
As a result
Linking Words
,playing video
games
Use synonyms
ranging
Wrong verb form
ranges
show examples
 from excessive sitting ,
screen
Correct word choice
and screen
show examples
time
Use synonyms
 to snacking.
Linking Words
Additionally
Add a comma
Additionally,
show examples
children
Use synonyms
 will have difficulties making friends and socializing.In
turn
Add a comma
turn,
show examples
 they feel alienation and depression. In conclusion,more
children
Use synonyms
willing
Add a missing verb
are willing
show examples
 to play video
games
Use synonyms
,
however
Linking Words
,these
games
Use synonyms
 lead to more
ailment
Fix the agreement mistake
ailments
show examples
,ranging from
overweightness
Correct your spelling
overweight ness
 and
eye
Add a hyphen
eye-catching
show examples
catching
Verb problem
eye-catching
show examples
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task response
Make sure to clearly outline your main points in the introduction and ensure that each paragraph has a clear topic sentence that is directly related to the task. It's important to maintain a consistent argument throughout the essay, providing evidence and examples that support your main points.
coherence and cohesion
To improve coherence and cohesion, work on improving the logical flow of your ideas. This can be achieved by using transition words and phrases to connect ideas between sentences and paragraphs. Avoid fragmenting your ideas into separate sentences when they could be combined for smoother readability.
task response
Try to provide more specific and real-world examples to support your arguments. This can make your essay more convincing and help illustrate your points more clearly.
coherence and cohesion
The essay has a clear introduction and conclusion, which frame the central argument effectively.
task achievement
You have identified both the benefits and drawbacks of children playing computer games, providing a balanced view on the issue.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

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