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Writing Samples
Band 5

In some cultures, children are often told that they can achieve anything if they try hard enough. What are the advantages and disadvantages of giving children this message ?

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Kids
are frequently tells
Change the verb form
are frequently told
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 that they can get anything if they strive for the goal. I strongly agree with
this
Linking Words
 statement. In
this
Linking Words
 essay, I will argue about how
children
Use synonyms
turns
Change the verb form
turn
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 their imagination into reality by their belief. When a child
believe
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believes
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Change preposition
in himself
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himself
Correct pronoun usage
themselves
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 at the beginning of their life, and when they understand a little about
this
Linking Words
 world they seek
for
Change preposition
apply
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what they always wanted to do. So, young
children
Use synonyms
 search for their mission which will be accomplished by themselves one day, they believe
themselves
Change preposition
in themselves
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 and make a goal for
future
Correct article usage
the future
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 which can lead them toward success.
For example
Linking Words
, Many students from the United Kingdom successfully became doctors.
Become
Wrong verb form
Becoming
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 a doctor wasn't so easy in
United
Correct article usage
the United
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 Kingdom but students from
very
Add an article
a very
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 young age
they
Correct pronoun usage
apply
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trusted themselves to become a doctor and that passion led them to
became
Change the form of the verb
become
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a
Correct article usage
apply
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doctor
Fix the agreement mistake
doctors
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at the end
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 of their
study
Fix the agreement mistake
studies
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.
Moreover
Linking Words
,
children
Use synonyms
 with self-belief
has
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have
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 much more
confident
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confidence
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 than those who do not believe
themselves
Change preposition
in themselves
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, by trusting ourselves we can be productive and creative
on
Change preposition
in
show examples
 our
work
Use synonyms
due to
Linking Words
 self-confidence and self-confidence is the key to success.
For instance
Linking Words
, in
a
Remove the article
apply
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recent research, employee
those
Correct pronoun usage
apply
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who
believe
Wrong verb form
believed
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themselves
Change preposition
in themselves
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 performed better at
work
Use synonyms
 rather than those who had disbelief
on
Change preposition
in
show examples
 their
work
Use synonyms
. In conclusion, in certain cultures, young
children
Use synonyms
 are commonly believed that they can acquire anything, if they seek hard enough for their passions.
As a result
Linking Words
, they build their
confident
Replace the word
confidence
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 from
their
Change the word
an
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 early age and
began
Wrong verb form
begin
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 to think about their bright future, they study and
work
Use synonyms
 with passion and
confident
Replace the word
confidence
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which regards
Wrong verb form
regarding
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 their true visions.

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task achievement
Try to provide a balanced view by discussing both the advantages and the disadvantages of the message, as the task requires you to weigh both sides.
task achievement
Work on improving the clarity and organization of ideas. This includes ensuring each paragraph discusses a single main idea clearly.
coherence cohesion
Include transitional phrases to enhance logical flow between sentences and ideas, improving overall coherence.
coherence cohesion
Your essay includes a clear introduction and conclusion which help guide the reader through your argument.
task achievement
You have used relevant examples, such as those involving students becoming doctors, to support your points.

Answer the 'Advantages and Disadvantages' topic

IELTS advantages and disadvantages questions normally give you a statement and ask you to comment on the advantages and disadvantages of that statement.

Answer structure for the type of essay

  • Introduction
  • Body paragraph 1 – advantages
  • Body paragraph 2 – disadvantages
  • Conclusion

Examples to start your body paragraph:

  • The main advantage is...
  • The disadvantage of this...
  • The main benefit...
  • Despite these advantages...
  • One possible drawback...

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • achieve
  • try hard
  • positive mindset
  • self-belief
  • motivates
  • ambitious goals
  • resilience
  • determination
  • confidence
  • self-esteem
  • growth mindset
  • unrealistic expectations
  • disappointment
  • failure
  • effort
  • hard work
  • seek support
  • individual differences
  • abilities
  • capabilities
What to do next:
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