Nowadays children mostly spend time playing computer games rather than sports. Is it positive or negative development?

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These days
children
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mainly spend time playing
video
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games
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instead
Linking Words
of engaging in sports activities.
While
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this
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phenomenon clearly has several negative effects
for
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on
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health
as well as
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social
Correct article usage
the social
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life of
children
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There are numerous negative effects that
children
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have
bering
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being
playing
video
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games
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. First and foremost, it brings about
sevelar
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several
severe
sevelamer
health problems which range from , bad posture,
vision
Correct word choice
and vision
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impairment
as well as
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overweightness.
In addition
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to
this
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,
children
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may have poor rituals
such
Linking Words
as excessive sitting,
screen
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and screen
show examples
time
coupled with
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snacking
throuhh
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through
playing computer
video
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games
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.
Moreover
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,
may
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there may
show examples
social
Add a missing verb
be social
show examples
interaction. They have difficulties making friends accompanied
with
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by
show examples
socializing. They, in turn, may face alienation and depression. Regardless of
negatives
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the negatives
show examples
, some people say that there are several
advatages
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advantages
that
children
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play
video
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games
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.
Firstly
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,
video
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games
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can improve computer skills like keyboard navigation
coupled with
Linking Words
online networking which are paramount in today's world .
Linking Words
Additionally
Add a comma
Additionally,
show examples
video
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games
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can improve cognitive development and critical thinking of
children
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. Because
,
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apply
show examples
video
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games
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include numerous challenges. They,
as a consequence
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, may have professional
career
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careers
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. In
coclusion
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conclusion
, even though there are disadvantages that
children
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play
Wrong verb form
playing
show examples
video
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games
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,there are
advatages
Correct your spelling
advantages
.
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coherence cohesion
Consider improving the logical flow of your essay. Each paragraph should seamlessly lead into the next, maintaining a clear line of argumentation.
task achievement
Try to provide more specific examples to support your points. This can strengthen your argument and make it more convincing.
task achievement
Make sure to address both positive and negative aspects more evenly in your response. This can provide a more balanced view.
coherence cohesion
Your essay includes a clear introduction and conclusion, which helps frame your argument well.
task achievement
You have clearly identified potential advantages and disadvantages of video games for children, which demonstrates a comprehensive understanding of the topic.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • allure
  • captivate
  • supervise
  • accessible
  • scarcity
  • safer alternative
  • peer pressure
  • educational tools
  • cognitive skills
  • implications
  • obesity
  • poor posture
  • hand-eye coordination
  • problem-solving abilities
What to do next:
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