IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5.5

Some people argue that the best way to become successful in life is to get a university education. Others disagree with it and reckon that nowadays it is no longer true. Discuss both views and give your own opinion.

#some #people #life #university #education
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It is often said that
people
Use synonyms
 need to go to
university
Use synonyms
 to flourish themselves, in that they can learn
various
Change preposition
from various
show examples
Use synonyms
experience
Fix the agreement mistake
experiences
show examples
 and expand their network for their future.
However
Linking Words
, I have a different point of view that it is unnecessary to have a diploma
of
Change preposition
from
show examples
Use synonyms
university
Correct article usage
a university
show examples
 to live a
prosperious
Correct your spelling
prosperous
 life. In
this
Linking Words
 essay, I will suggest several rationales to support my opinion in depth and detail. To start with, even without
university
Use synonyms
 degrees,
youngters
Correct your spelling
youngsters
 can
experience
Use synonyms
 plenty of real-life tasks and lessons by working, and they
also
Linking Words
 can make use of their
experience
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 as a
career
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. Take my friend who works in the construction area as an example, he decided not to go to college or
university
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 after graduating from
our
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apply
show examples
high school, so he started to work at a construction company when
me
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
and
Correct word choice
apply
show examples
my other friends
goint
Verb problem
and I went
show examples
 to
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
university
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.
Linking Words
At
Change the preposition
In
show examples
 the end, he
has become
Wrong verb form
became
show examples
 a supervisor in his company, when I and my friends are still new employees,
on the other hand
Linking Words
.
Although
Linking Words
 he does not have some sophisticated knowledge of building or architecture, his experiences and practical ideas make him thrive in his field.
Furthermore
Linking Words
, thanks to the development of
internet
Add an article
the internet
show examples
, there are a lot of
way
Change to a plural noun
ways
show examples
 to enlarge the community of
Use synonyms
career
Fix the agreement mistake
careers
show examples
 via social media. In the past, meeting
people
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 from the
university
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 alumni party or the
university
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 society
were
Change the verb form
was
show examples
 almost the only way to broaden networks and to get information related to
career
Use synonyms
 or job
opportunitis
Correct your spelling
opportunities
,
whereas
Linking Words
thesedays
Correct your spelling
these days
, there exists a variety of
community
Fix the agreement mistake
communities
show examples
 on
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
social media,
such
Linking Words
 as LinkedIn or Indeed where can support job seekers or
people
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 who are interested in the area. When all is said and done, I am against the idea that
people
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 ought to learn from
university
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 in order to earn a flourished living.
This
Linking Words
 is not only because of the
experience
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being
Change preposition
of being
show examples
 able to compromise the knowledge of studying at
university
Use synonyms
 but
also
Linking Words
 because of the innovation of
internet
Correct article usage
the internet
show examples
 being helpful to expand the social network or to establish
Use synonyms
career
Add an article
a career
show examples
.
Submitted by Haun on

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task achievement
Ensure that all main points are well-supported with detailed examples and evidence. This could help enhance the depth of your argument.
task achievement
Try to make your argument more balanced by presenting a slightly more detailed view of how university education can be beneficial, to lend weight to your contrast.
language
Check your writing for minor grammatical errors like spelling mistakes and tense issues to improve clarity and professionalism.
coherence and cohesion
Your essay is logically structured. However, ensure each paragraph flows smoothly to better guide the reader through your argument.
task achievement
You have effectively presented a clear position on the topic and supported it with reasoning and examples.
coherence and cohesion
The introduction and conclusion clearly present your main argument and effectively frame your essay.
task achievement
You've used examples effectively to highlight real-world implications of the side you support.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • essential knowledge
  • fosters critical thinking
  • employment prospects
  • innovation
  • adaptability
  • practical experience
  • entrepreneurs
  • formal higher education
  • determination
  • creativity
  • thrive without
  • sole path
  • increasingly defined by
What to do next:
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