A healthy person is often described as someone who has a good diet, gets plenty of exercise and avoid stress. What should people do to stay healthy in your country? Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience?

✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?
These days
children
Use synonyms
often
seen
Verb problem
apply
show examples
spend more time
to
Change preposition
apply
show examples
playing
video
Use synonyms
games
Use synonyms
instead
Linking Words
of
physical
Add a missing verb
doing physical
show examples
activities.
While
Linking Words
this
Linking Words
position has some advantages for
children
Use synonyms
's life, but, I am in favour of it
has
Wrong verb form
having
show examples
more negative effects rather than positives. In the modern life, technologies are developing.
Thus
Linking Words
, using of
Use synonyms
people from
Change preposition
people's
show examples
devices I
increase
Wrong verb form
increasing
show examples
day by day.
People
Use synonyms
utilise technologies in various ways.
Raging
Verb problem
Ranging
show examples
from
by
Change preposition
apply
show examples
positive and negative sides.
However
Linking Words
, young
people
Use synonyms
mostly use computers, phones and different devices for playing different
games
Use synonyms
. There are several advantages and disadvantages.
For instance
Linking Words
, when
children
Use synonyms
play computer
games
Use synonyms
, their
brain
Fix the agreement mistake
brains
show examples
start adapting to various situations.
That is
Linking Words
to say,
video
Use synonyms
games
Use synonyms
include different challenges.
This
Linking Words
helps to
improving
Wrong verb form
improve
show examples
critical thinking and solving complex problems in
games
Use synonyms
. They, in turn, can tackle more challenges in their life.
On the other hand
Linking Words
,
i
Change the capitalization
I
show examples
believe that sports are more important rather than computer
games
Use synonyms
. First and foremost, when young
people
Use synonyms
play
video
Use synonyms
games
Use synonyms
, they face
to
Change preposition
apply
show examples
different serious health issues which range from bad posture,
developing
Change preposition
to developing
show examples
their
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
brain
adn
Correct your spelling
and
vision impairments. Because, when they spend more time
to sit
Change the verb form
sitting
show examples
in front of
screen
Add an article
the screen
a screen
show examples
, their body's shape
is
Unnecessary verb
apply
show examples
change
Fix the agreement mistake
changes
show examples
and
as a result
Linking Words
, their body will develop
incorrect
Change the adjective
incorrectly
show examples
.
Also
Linking Words
,
this
Linking Words
affects
improving
Replace the word
the improvement of
show examples
their brain.
That is
Linking Words
why,
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
they do sports,
thus
Linking Words
helps to
developing
Change the verb form
develop
show examples
the right
their
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
body and critical
minds
Fix the agreement mistake
mind
show examples
.
That is
Linking Words
to say, sports require more
efforts
Fix the agreement mistake
effort
show examples
.
As a result
Linking Words
, their health will
involve
Wrong verb form
be involved
show examples
in any case. In conclusion, regardless of the positive effects associated with playing
video
Use synonyms
games
Use synonyms
, when
children
Use synonyms
spend more time
to
Change preposition
apply
show examples
doing various physical activities
instead
Linking Words
of computer
games
Use synonyms
, it is more beneficial.
Submitted by Writing9 on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

language
Work on improving grammatical accuracy and spelling. Words like 'adn', 'i', and improper use of 'Because' without completing the sentence affect readability.
structure
The essay contains a clear introduction and conclusion. Try to develop the main body paragraphs with clearer topic sentences and well-supported points.
content development
Consider providing more relevant and specific examples to support your points, such as statistics or studies related to children's health and video games.
content
The essay discusses both advantages and disadvantages of playing video games versus physical activities, which shows balanced consideration.
analysis
The attempt to relate gaming with skills like critical thinking and problem-solving shows an understanding of broader impacts.
structure
The writer presents a conclusion that aligns with the arguments presented in the essay.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • balanced diet
  • processed foods
  • sugary drinks
  • physical activities
  • aerobic activity
  • vigorous activity
  • moderate activity
  • mindfulness practices
  • meditation
  • deep breathing exercises
  • hydration
  • dehydration
  • healthcare professionals
  • early detection
  • obesity
  • cardiovascular diseases
  • monitor and maintain your health
What to do next:
Look at other essays: