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Writing Samples
Band 7.5

Some university students want to learn about other subjects in addition to their main subjects. Others believe it is more important to give all their time and attention to studying for a qualification.

#university #students #subjects #addition #time #attention #qualification
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Undoubtedly, with the rapid development of the education system, the interest of
students
 in university curriculums has become increasingly significant.
Whereas
 some people believe that studying other
subjects
in addition
 to their core
subjects
 can help
students
 gain more knowledge, others argue that focusing on a qualification is more important. From my perspective, I am in favour of the former, and the reasons will be elaborated on as follows. An array of reasons explains why
students
 need to study other
subjects
.
Firstly
, if
students
 only study their core
subjects
, it might limit their
skills
.
That is
, individuals not only learn professional knowledge but
also
 gain essential work-related
skills
such
 as problem-solving, teamwork, and communication
skills
. Take Taiwan as an example, many people who graduated from higher education or had excellent academic performance found it difficult to get a job because they lacked good communication
skills
, leading to failed job interviews.
By contrast
, it is noticeable that getting a qualification is crucial for future careers.
This
 is to say, many industries require a certificate for their jobs,
such
 as doctors, nurses, teachers, and so on. Even though some individuals have many years of work experience, they cannot work in these fields without a certificate.
For example
, it takes more than four years to complete the bachelor's level of study to become a qualified teacher in Australia. If
students
 cannot finish their degree, they cannot work in any schools as a qualified teacher. In conclusion, based on the aforementioned reasons, I firmly agree that university
students
 need to concentrate on getting their qualifications.
Submitted by el3vul4 on

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coherence cohesion
Improve coherence by ensuring smoother transitions between paragraphs and ideas.
task achievement
Strengthen the task response by addressing counterarguments or further elaborating on the perspective against studying additional subjects.
introduction conclusion present
The introduction clearly introduces the topic and provides a valid perspective.
logical structure
Logical structure is maintained throughout the essay, with clear main points.
relevant specific examples
Examples provided are relevant and help illustrate points, such as the example of Taiwan.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • Broaden
  • Perspectives
  • Specialize
  • Critical thinking
  • Problem-solving skills
  • Career success
  • Interdisciplinary connections
  • Structured path
  • Clear goals
  • Creativity
  • Innovation
  • Academic credibility
  • Recognition
  • Balance
  • Exploring
What to do next:
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