The working week should be shorter and workers should have a longer weekend. Do you agre or disagree?

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Some people argue that a
week
should be shorter and
workers
should have a longer
weekend
. I fully agree with
this
viewpoint because if
workers
get a long
weekend
, it will allow them to have more time to relax, and
also
it will increase their
productivity
. If a
weekend
becomes longer,
workers
will have more time for relaxation.
Workers
need to have proper
rest
if they work throughout the
week
.
Therefore
, if the
weekends
are long,
workers
will be able to have proper
rest
, which will refresh their bodies and mind. It will help to erase their workplace burnout and improve their physical and mental well-being.
For example
, in Japan, people
are working
Wrong verb form
work
show examples
4 days a
week
, and for the
rest
of three
days
Add a comma
days,
show examples
they have
weekends
,
which
Change preposition
during which
show examples
they invest in self-care and relaxation. It eliminates their workplace fatigue and burnout.
Moreover
, if a
week
becomes shorter, it increases the
productivity
of the
workers
. After having a hectic
week
,
workers
require a prolonged break and proper
rest
. After having proper
rest
in
Change preposition
over
show examples
a long
weekend
,
workers
can concentrate more on their work, they perform better than before ,and it helps to improve their
productivity
.
For example
, in Australia, after
weekends
become shorter, many employees from different companies can concentrate more on their work, and that helps to increase their
productivity
. In conclusion, I completely agree with the viewpoint that
weekends
should be more long. It will give
workers
more time for relaxation, and it will increase the
productivity
of the
workers
.
Submitted by rahman_rehana on

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task achievement
To enhance task achievement, clarify and expand upon the ideas presented in each paragraph. You could also add more diverse examples to support your points further.
coherence cohesion
To improve coherence and cohesion, focus on connecting sentences within paragraphs more smoothly. Use a wider variety of cohesive devices and ensure each idea flows logically into the next.
coherence cohesion
Your essay has a clear structure with a well-defined introduction and conclusion.
task achievement
You provided relevant examples from Japan and Australia, supporting your arguments.

Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately

Linking words are very important in your essay.

To score effectively on your IELTS exam, you should make an effort to implement short concise sentences coupled with linking words.

Almost every sentence in your essay should have a linking word of some sort.

In fact, the only sentences that can omit linking words are your background sentence and thesis.

Linking word examples:

  • firstly
  • secondly
  • thirdly
  • in additional
  • moreover
  • also
  • for example
  • for instance
  • therefore
  • however
  • although
  • even though
  • despite

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