Some people argue that zoos help to preserve wild creatures, while others say that they are inhumane and should be abolished. Discuss both these view and give your own opinion.

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Although
Linking Words
some people believe
zoos
Use synonyms
are beneficial for protecting wild
animals
Use synonyms
, there are some other people who believe
zoos
Use synonyms
are not acceptable and it is better to be removed I
also
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agree with these people who think
zoos
Use synonyms
have to
closed
Add a missing verb
be closed
show examples
. Because of two reasons,
animals
Use synonyms
will not protect themselves without
helps
Correct subject-verb agreement
help
show examples
and keeping them in some limited area can cause some illnesses.
In
Change preposition
On
show examples
one
Correct article usage
the one
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hand,
zoos
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can
effect
Correct your spelling
affect
show examples
on
Change preposition
apply
show examples
Use synonyms
animals
Change noun form
animals'
animal's
show examples
ability to
hunting
Replace the word
hunt
show examples
and make them ill because of
maintaining
Wrong verb form
maintained
show examples
on
Change preposition
in
show examples
small places
such
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as
Use synonyms
zoos
Change noun form
zoos'
zoo's
show examples
cages. When
zoos
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keep wild
animals
Use synonyms
in cages and give them
foods
Fix the agreement mistake
food
show examples
, they do not have
motivation
Correct article usage
the motivation
show examples
for acting
Change preposition
to act
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in other words
Linking Words
they will not be able to
hunting
Change the verb
hunt
show examples
in
Change preposition
for
show examples
a long period which is necessary for them because they were born to do so. Another reason is that if
animals
Use synonyms
be
Wrong verb form
are
show examples
in
Use synonyms
zoos
Fix the agreement mistake
zoo
show examples
cages do not have any activities and have to stay there which is exhausting for them and they may get depression which is painful and has
bad
Correct article usage
a bad
show examples
effect
their
Change preposition
on their
show examples
anxiety.
For example
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, a local zoo in my country Iran
it
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
freed
animals
Use synonyms
namely, birds and giraffes and after two days all of them died because they were not
be
Unnecessary verb
apply
show examples
able to find food and their body
was
Change the verb form
were
show examples
weak
Rephrase
too weak
show examples
for surviving
Change preposition
to survive
show examples
in
jungles
Correct article usage
the jungles
show examples
so
that
Correct word choice
apply
show examples
they could not walk and fly in huge areas.
On the other hand
Linking Words
, there are some
animals
Use synonyms
that might to
wipe
Wrong verb form
wiped
show examples
out without
cares
Fix the agreement mistake
care
show examples
. Some
animals
Use synonyms
are in dangerous to will
be
Verb problem
becoming
show examples
extinct very soon,
in
Change preposition
on
show examples
this
Linking Words
occasion they may need
helps
Correct subject-verb agreement
help
show examples
from
zoos
Use synonyms
to be alive. When
zoos
Use synonyms
keep these injured
animals
Use synonyms
, it can be beneficial for them to be protected from
zoos
Use synonyms
helps
Verb problem
apply
show examples
.
Linking Words
However
Add a comma
However,
show examples
I do not agree with
this
Linking Words
matter, because if
zoos
Use synonyms
stop doing their actions
this
Linking Words
issue which is
wipe
Wrong verb form
wiping
show examples
out some
animals
Use synonyms
might not
be happen
Change the verb form
happen
show examples
in future.
For example
Linking Words
,
zoos
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collect
animals
Use synonyms
for themselves they might injure the environment
Linking Words
that
Correct pronoun usage
which
show examples
is the cause
for
Change preposition
of
show examples
extinction
Correct article usage
the extinction
show examples
Use synonyms
animals
Change preposition
of animals
show examples
. So if they stop, there
is
Change the verb form
are
show examples
no
animals
Use synonyms
that need
helps
Correct subject-verb agreement
help
show examples
from
zoos
Use synonyms
. In the bottom line, It is better that
zoos
Use synonyms
be closed so that
animals
Use synonyms
can experience life without any pain and
also
Linking Words
there is no possibility of extinction. If
zoos
Use synonyms
closed,
animals
Use synonyms
could live easier and healthier.
Submitted by TUTOO on

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structure
Strengthen topic sentences at the beginning of each paragraph to make it clear what each paragraph will discuss.
cohesion
Use clear linking phrases to better connect ideas between sentences and paragraphs. Examples include 'Moreover', 'Additionally', or 'Furthermore' to add information.
examples
Try to include more specific, varied examples to support your points; ensure examples are relevant and enhance your arguments.
language
Carefully proofread for minor grammatical errors and sentence structure inaccuracies.
coherence
Explain connections between ideas more explicitly; avoid jumping between points without a clear link.
task response
You present both sides of the argument, showing awareness of multiple perspectives.
introduction conclusion
Clear introduction and conclusion effectively summarize your stance and the discussion.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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