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Band 4.5

Many students choose to complete at least some part of their university studies in a foreign country. What are some of the advantages and disadvantages of studying abroad

#students #part #university #studies #country
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In the modern era, many
students
Use synonyms
 have chosen foreign
countries
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 to complete their higher studies.
Students
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 are moving abroad is
increases
Wrong verb form
increasing
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due to
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 career growth,
learning
Correct word choice
and learning
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 new cultures and
also
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environment
Fix the agreement mistake
environments
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. In
this
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 essay, we will discuss the merits and demerits of
this
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. On the one hand,
students
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 migrating to a foreign
country
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 for their higher education to have benefits like career growth.
For instance
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,
students
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 can get their permanent residency after completion of their education and
also
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they
Correct pronoun usage
apply
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become
a
Remove the article
apply
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citizenship
Replace the word
citizens
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.
Additionally
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,
students
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 can learn
new
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about new
show examples
culture
Fix the agreement mistake
cultures
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 in living
country
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, especially, celebrating festivals,
country
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 events and more.
Moreover
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,
students
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 can like the environment of their
livings
Fix the agreement mistake
living
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 and they can live peacefully.
Thus
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,
students
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 have more advantages who
is
Change the verb form
are
show examples
 studying in foreign
countries
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. On the
second
Correct word choice
other
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 hand,
students
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 who study in foreign
country
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, they have some of the demerits:
firstly
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,
students
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 who
is living
Wrong verb form
live
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 far away from their home,
and
Correct word choice
apply
show examples
they
Correct pronoun usage
apply
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will emotionally feel bad when they are
in illness
Correct word choice
ill
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.
Secondly
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, they cannot
have participated
Wrong verb form
participate
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to
Change preposition
in
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 their family events
as well as
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meet-up
Correct your spelling
meet up
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 friends.
Apart from
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this
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,
students
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 should strictly follow the norms of the
country
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 who is living abroad.
Thus
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,
students
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 should feel the illness of their family and friends bonding.
To conclude
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, many
students
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chose
Wrong verb form
choose
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 foreign
countries
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 to do their higher studies.
Students
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 are moving
foreign
Change preposition
to foreign
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countries
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 rapidly
increases
Verb problem
apply
show examples
due to
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for
Change preposition
apply
show examples
their career growth,
adopt learning
Wrong verb form
adopting
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 new cultures and
also
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 clean and neat environment. And
also
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 some demerits like missing their family and friends, not
able
Add a missing verb
being able
show examples
 to attend
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
family events and
follow
Wrong verb form
following
show examples
 instructions in
living
Add an article
the living
show examples
country
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. Both points have
discussed
Add a missing verb
been discussed
show examples
, these everything is based on their
student’s
Change noun form
students’
show examples
 situations and requirements.
Submitted by saravanan.ko2011 on

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task achievement
Try to provide more specific examples to strengthen your points. For instance, mention specific countries where students commonly go for studies and what they specifically gain in terms of career opportunities.
coherence cohesion
Pay attention to grammatical accuracy and word choice to ensure clarity and professionalism.
task achievement
You clearly identify both advantages and disadvantages in your essay, which demonstrates a good understanding of the topic.
coherence cohesion
Your conclusion effectively summarizes the main points discussed in the body paragraphs.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

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