Childhood obesity is an increasing problem in Australia as many as two thirds of children are now obese. Schools have a responsibility to monitor what their students eat and the amount of exercise they do. To what extend do you agree to this statement?
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In
this
contemporary epoch, the obesity epidemic among Linking Words
school
Use synonyms
students
Use synonyms
became
a major problem. Some individuals propose that Wrong verb form
has become
school
authorities should make it compulsory for Use synonyms
pupils
to participate in Use synonyms
sports
and other Use synonyms
health
events. I believe that Use synonyms
this
will be beneficial for the young generation. My contention will be Linking Words
further
explained.
To embark, the Linking Words
school
system should make it mandatory for Use synonyms
pupils
to participate in Use synonyms
sports
by making it a part of the Use synonyms
school
curriculum and making it affect the final Use synonyms
grades
of each student. Use synonyms
This
means that if the learners’ Linking Words
grades
are at risk of being compromised if they Use synonyms
didn’t
attend these Wrong verb form
don’t
sports
events, Use synonyms
then
most Linking Words
students
will participate. A prominent example of Use synonyms
this
is the Salam Modern Schools, Asyut, Cairo, which promoted different Linking Words
sports
Use synonyms
activities
Use synonyms
such
as football, basketball, volleyball and tennis, and made it mandatory for each pupil to participate in at least one of them or their Linking Words
grades
will be affected. Use synonyms
Hence
, not only should the Linking Words
school
system make it compulsory for young learners to participate in physical Use synonyms
activities
, but it should Use synonyms
also
Linking Words
make
the Verb problem
give
pupils
Use synonyms
have
a good incentive to participate in these Unnecessary verb
apply
activities
.
Use synonyms
Furthermore
, making Linking Words
pupils
participate in physical Use synonyms
activities
when they are young will be beneficial for them Use synonyms
on
the long run. Change preposition
in
In other words
, if Linking Words
students
are encouraged to participate in different Use synonyms
sports
and Use synonyms
were
educated about their physical Wrong verb form
are
health
, Use synonyms
this
will lead to the reduction of their sedentary lifestyle and the improvement of their academic achievements. Linking Words
For example
, a study conducted by Oxford University revealed that Linking Words
students
Use synonyms
that
do more physical Correct pronoun usage
who
activities
have higher Use synonyms
grades
and acquire more social and academic skills than those who do not. Use synonyms
Therefore
, promoting the Linking Words
pupils
’ physical Use synonyms
health
not only Use synonyms
help
them achieve healthier Correct subject-verb agreement
helps
lifestyle
but Fix the agreement mistake
lifestyles
also
promotes their academic achievements.
In conclusion, Linking Words
after
Linking Words
this
essay has manifested the points mentioned above, it can be reiterated that making Linking Words
sports
a compulsory subject for young learners is essential. I believe that it will promote every Use synonyms
Use synonyms
students’
Change noun form
student’s
health
and academic Use synonyms
grades
.Use synonyms
Submitted by kokoelking1 on
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coherence cohesion
Ensure that your paragraphs are clearly distinct with appropriate transitional phrases. This will enhance the logical flow of your essay.
task achievement
Try to vary your vocabulary and sentence structures to enhance readability and engagement.
introduction conclusion present
Your essay presents a clear introduction and a strong conclusion, reasserting your stance effectively.
relevant specific examples
You support your arguments with relevant examples which help reinforce your points.
complete response
The essay addresses the task comprehensively, offering insightful viewpoints regarding schools' responsibility in managing students’ nutrition and exercise.