Childhood obesity is an increasing problem in Australia as many as two thirds of children are now obese. Schools have a responsibility to monitor what their students eat and the amount of exercise they do. To what extend do you agree to this statement?
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Childhood obesity is a crucial issue in Australia, affecting a large number of
students
. Many suggest that education should play an important role in children’s health which can help combat Use synonyms
this
problem. Linking Words
This
essay will discuss how Linking Words
schools
are required to monitor Use synonyms
students
’ eating habits and exercise levels to address overweight children.
On the one hand, formal institutions should monitor what young people eat to promote healthy eating habits. First and foremost, by providing healthy meals and snacks, Use synonyms
schools
can influence children’s dietary choices which can lead to Use synonyms
reduce
Verb problem
apply
the
number Correct article usage
a
of
obesity. Change preposition
in
For example
, educational institutions should provide fresh fruits and vegetables Linking Words
instead
of sugary snacks in the lunchroom. Linking Words
Additionally
, Linking Words
this
approach is beneficial for Linking Words
students
developing better eating Use synonyms
habit
which can improve their Fix the agreement mistake
habits
overall
health. Linking Words
As a result
, it is essential for Linking Words
schools
to manage the food choices available to Use synonyms
students
.
Use synonyms
On the other hand
, educational facilities should encourage regular physical Linking Words
activity
among Use synonyms
students
during Use synonyms
Use synonyms
schools
hours. Change the noun form
school
This
is because by incorporating exercise into the curriculum day, Linking Words
students
are more likely to stay active and healthy. Use synonyms
For instance
, scheduling daily physical education classes and offering extracurricular sports can motivate children to engage in more physical Linking Words
activity
. Use synonyms
Furthermore
, increased physical Linking Words
activity
contributes to Use synonyms
maintain
a healthy weight and Change the verb form
maintaining
overall
fitness. Linking Words
Consequently
, the classroom environment plays a vital role in encouraging physical well-being among their peers which can Linking Words
significantly
useful in reducing their health problems.
In conclusion, both dietary monitoring and promoting exercise are essential in addressing childhood overweight issues. Formal institutions have an important responsibility to ensure that Add a missing verb
be significantly
students
have access to healthy diet choices and Use synonyms
opportunity
for physical Fix the agreement mistake
opportunities
activity
.Use synonyms
Submitted by caroot on
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coherence/cohesion
While the essay has a clear introduction and conclusion, consider reinforcing the links between paragraphs for even smoother transitions.
task response
Although the arguments presented are relevant and supported, incorporating a counterargument could offer a more balanced perspective.
task response
Add definitions or additional context for important concepts like 'physical well-being' to increase clarity.
task response
The essay includes a clear thesis statement and systematically addresses the main question.
coherence/cohesion
Ideas are well-organized with each paragraph focusing on a distinct aspect of the issue.
task response
Relevant examples, such as schools providing fruits and vegetables, effectively illustrate the points made.
Your opinion
Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.
If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.
Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.
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...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?