Childhood obesity is an increasing problem in Australia as many as two thirds of children are now obese. Schools have a responsibility to monitor what their students eat and the amount of exercise they do. To what extend do you agree to this statement?

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Childhood obesity is a crucial issue in Australia, affecting a large number of

students

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. Many suggest that education should play an important role in children’s health which can help combat

this

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problem.

This

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essay will discuss how

schools

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are required to monitor

students

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’ eating habits and exercise levels to address overweight children. On the one hand, formal institutions should monitor what young people eat to promote healthy eating habits. First and foremost, by providing healthy meals and snacks,

schools

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can influence children’s dietary choices which can lead to

reduce

Verb problem

apply

show examples

the

Correct article usage

show examples

number

Change preposition

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obesity.

For example

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, educational institutions should provide fresh fruits and vegetables

instead

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of sugary snacks in the lunchroom.

Additionally

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this

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approach is beneficial for

students

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developing better eating

habit

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habits

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which can improve their

overall

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health.

As a result

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, it is essential for

schools

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to manage the food choices available to

students

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On the other hand

Linking Words

, educational facilities should encourage regular physical

activity

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among

students

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during

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schools

Change the noun form

school

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hours.

This

Linking Words

is because by incorporating exercise into the curriculum day,

students

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are more likely to stay active and healthy.

For instance

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, scheduling daily physical education classes and offering extracurricular sports can motivate children to engage in more physical

activity

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Furthermore

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, increased physical

activity

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contributes to

maintain

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maintaining

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a healthy weight and

overall

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fitness.

Consequently

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, the classroom environment plays a vital role in encouraging physical well-being among their peers which can

significantly

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be significantly

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useful in reducing their health problems. In conclusion, both dietary monitoring and promoting exercise are essential in addressing childhood overweight issues. Formal institutions have an important responsibility to ensure that

students

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have access to healthy diet choices and

opportunity

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opportunities

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for physical

activity

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carootSun Dec 01 2024

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coherence/cohesion

While the essay has a clear introduction and conclusion, consider reinforcing the links between paragraphs for even smoother transitions.

task response

Although the arguments presented are relevant and supported, incorporating a counterargument could offer a more balanced perspective.

task response

Add definitions or additional context for important concepts like 'physical well-being' to increase clarity.

task response

The essay includes a clear thesis statement and systematically addresses the main question.

coherence/cohesion

Ideas are well-organized with each paragraph focusing on a distinct aspect of the issue.

task response

Relevant examples, such as schools providing fruits and vegetables, effectively illustrate the points made.

Your opinion

Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.

If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.

Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.

Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:

...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

10
Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
3
Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
8
Grammar mistakes
detected issues

0123456789.0505

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 4.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 4.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 7.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

4 paragraphs

271 words

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Childhood obesity is an increasing problem in Australia as many as two thirds of children are now obese. Schools have a responsibility to monitor what their students eat and the amount of exercise they do. To what extend do you agree to this statement?

Your opinion

Some people think that only way to judge someone's success in business is by the amount of money they make. Is money a true indicator of success of a business? In what other ways could success in a business be measured?

It is generally believed that some people are born with certain talents, for instance for sport or music, and others are not. However, it is sometimes claimed that any child can be taught to become a good sports person or musician. Discuss both these views and give your own opinion.

The government should spend more money on skills and vocational training for practical work rather than on university education. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

As the internet becomes more popular, newspapers are becoming a thing of the past. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this statement? Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge and experience.