IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5.5

“Prevention is better than cure”. Both research and treatment for the disease are costly and it would be better to invest in preventing the disease. To what extent do you agree?

#“prevention #cure” #research #treatment #disease
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There is a quote “Prevention is better than cure”.
This
 statement
appear
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appears
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 because the cost of medication is very expensive and research
approve
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approves
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 it.
That is
 why better for everyone to
keep
Verb problem
apply
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maintain their own health from disease. Personally, I extremely agree with
this
 since health is important to support our daily activities and the price of treatment is highly expensive.
First,
when we are in
a
Correct article usage
apply
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good condition, we can do all of things. Physically and mentally
are
Correct subject-verb agreement
is
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 crucial things to think clearly and do
job
Add an article
the job
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 properly.
People
 do not have to go to
hospital
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the hospital
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 often because they do exercise regularly and eat healthy foods.
Moreover
, by doing meditation
also
 has a significant role
to keep
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in keeping
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 us from many diseases.
For example
, I always do exercise every day and drink water to keep fit and the result is I do not get sick easily. As
people
 know, the treatment,
drug
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drugs
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,
check-up
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check-ups
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, etc are really costly. What makes it expensive is the hospitals need to pay the doctors and the maintenance price of the hospital itself.
As a consequence
,
people
 can not access medication
with
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at
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 affordable
price
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prices
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.
For instance
, there are a lot of
citizen
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citizens
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 in Indonesia who do not get treatment even though the disease is vital because they do not have money to pay for it.
To conclude
, the statement above is true. I totally agree with that statement because the cost
for
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of
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 health is not affordable.
Besides
 that, by staying healthy,
people
 can actively
doing
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do
be doing
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 their own things.
Submitted by wishmeluck  on

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task achievement
While your essay presents a clear opinion, ensure all points are elaborated equally, particularly the effectiveness of prevention.
coherence cohesion
Improve coherence by using more linking words and phrases between ideas to guide the reader.
coherence cohesion
You have a clear introduction and conclusion which appropriately address the topic.
task achievement
The example from personal experience makes your point about the benefits of maintaining health relatable.

Use a variety of complex and simple sentences

You should use complex sentences in your writing, but it does not mean that you should try to make all of our sentences complex.

‘Complex’ sentences are not actually very complex; they are just two or more simple sentences put together. Putting them together makes the essay more coherent and cohesive.

Examples:

I really want to study but I’m too tired.

I wore a warm coat because the weather was cold.

If action is not taken soon on climate change, global warming will get worse.

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