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Writing Samples
Band 6.5

The bar chart below shows the percentage of Australian men and women in different age groups who did regular physical activity in 2010.

The bar chart below shows the percentage of Australian men and women in different age groups who did regular physical activity in 2010.
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The bar chart
illustrate
Change the verb form
illustrates
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 the proportion of Australian
men
Use synonyms
 And women in different
age
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 groups who did regular physical
activity
Use synonyms
 in 2010.
Overall
Linking Words
, it can be seen that the female
age
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 group was the
famous
Correct quantifier usage
most famous
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 in
this
Linking Words
 chart-higher
percentage
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 among others. Only 15 to 24
men
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was
Change the verb form
were
show examples
 the highest
percentage
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 than other ages,
whereas
Linking Words
 other ages
men
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activity
Use synonyms
 was the lowest from women in 2008.
To begin
Linking Words
 with,
45
Correct article usage
the 45
show examples
 to 54
age
Use synonyms
 female
activity
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percentage
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 was the topper at 53.3%,
whereas
Linking Words
35
Correct article usage
the 35
show examples
-
44
Change preposition
to 44
show examples
age
Use synonyms
 of male
percentage
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 of 39.5, which was the lowest
percentage
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from
Change preposition
for
show examples
female
Fix the agreement mistake
females
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. 52.5% of female regular
activity
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percentage
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 stood at second position,
while
Linking Words
men
Use synonyms
activity
Use synonyms
 was 42.2%. On the other side, female did their regular
activity
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 (55 to 64
age
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)
53
Change preposition
at 53
show examples
%, and male did their
activity
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45.1
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at 45.1
show examples
% was the least. As to 65 and over,
men
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 and
female
Fix the agreement mistake
females
show examples
 did their regular
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activity
Fix the agreement mistake
activities
show examples
 were similar with 46.7% male and
female
Correct word choice
apply
show examples
47.1%. Only 15 to 24
age
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 of
male
Fix the agreement mistake
males
show examples
 did their
activity
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 52.8% which was the
hightest
Correct your spelling
highest
percentage
Use synonyms
 from other ages male.

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Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "whereas".
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Vocabulary: Rephrase your introduction. Words match: 73%.
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Vocabulary: Replace the words men, age, activity, percentage with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: Only 5 basic words for charts were used.
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Vocabulary: The word "percentage" was used 7 times.
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Topic Vocabulary:
  • Physical activity
  • Regular exercise
  • Age demographics
  • Participation rate
  • Trend analysis
  • Gender disparity
  • Health initiatives
  • Public health policies
  • Statistical comparison
  • Lifestyle choices
  • Work commitments
  • Age-related factors
  • Preventative health
  • Exercise habits
  • Surveillance data
  • Motivators and barriers
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