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Writing Samples
Band 5.5

Some people think that competition at work, at school and in daily life is a good thing. Others believe that we should try to cooperate more, rather than competing against each other. Discuss both these views and give your own opinion. Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience.

#people #competition #work #school #life
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Some people argue that
competition
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 in workplaces and educational institutions is a positive development,
whereas
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 others are against it. Let's discuss both views in detail.
Firstly
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, the biggest advantage of
competition
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 is that it acts as motivation for
individuals
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 to do better in their field, which has a positive
impact
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 on their development.
For instance
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, if a student scores 80% marks and another individual has a better score than that, the student will be motivated to do better in the next exam.
Therefore
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,
competition
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 can act as a driving force.
Moreover
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,
competition
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 increases the
efficiency
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 of a
company
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.
For instance
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, many companies have
the
Correct article usage
a
show examples
 policy of giving rewards to
employees
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 who perform better.
Due to
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this
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 reason, the
employees
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 work harder and
more
Add a missing verb
are more
show examples
 disciplined.
Although
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 only a few
individuals
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 are rewarded, most of them try to become a better version of themselves, which increases the productivity of the
company
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 as a whole.
Consequently
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,
competition
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 increases
efficiency
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 in workplaces.
On the other hand
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, the biggest disadvantage of a competitive environment is that it can have a negative
impact
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 on
employees
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 who are new or those who are not performing well. It is a well-known fact that different people have different intellects. Even if all the
individuals
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 are given the same task, there will be a few who will struggle.
This
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 can cause low self-esteem among
such
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 struggling
individuals
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.
Consequently
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, they might resign from the
company
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 or become less motivated in their profession, which is bad for the growth of the
company
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.
Additionally
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,
competition
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 can have a negative
impact
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 on the
efficiency
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 of a team.
For instance
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,
employees
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 are required to work in a team, and each individual has a specific role in that particular
group
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. In
such
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group
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 tasks, teammates need to be selfless so that the target can be achieved.
However
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, some people, who are very competitive, try to do multiple tasks to get extra rewards.
Consequently
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,
such
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competition
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 reduces the
efficiency
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 of the
group
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. In conclusion,
although
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competition
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 can have an adverse
impact
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 on the minds of some
individuals
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 and reduce the productivity of
group
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 tasks, in my opinion,
competition
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 might have its disadvantages, but it is very essential for the personal growth of a person and the growth of the
company
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.
Submitted by Narayan Khajuria on

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coherence cohesion
Ensure that each paragraph clearly communicates one main idea. For instance, the advantages and disadvantages of competition could be even more distinct in separate paragraphs.
task achievement
Provide more specific examples and elaborate on points. Although examples are used, they could be more detailed and relate specifically to workplaces and educational settings.
task achievement
The essay presents a well-rounded discussion of both viewpoints on competition vs. cooperation, fulfilling the task requirement.
coherence cohesion
The structure of the essay is logical, with a clear introduction, body paragraphs discussing each viewpoint, and a conclusion summarizing the opinion.
coherence cohesion
Transitions between ideas are smooth, aiding the reader in understanding the flow of the essay.

Your opinion

Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.

If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.

Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.

Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:

...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • innovation
  • productivity
  • excel
  • outperform
  • advancements
  • academic standards
  • work ethic
  • stress
  • anxiety
  • unhealthy rivalries
  • harmonious
  • supportive
  • collaborative learning
  • social skills
  • communication skills
  • sense of community
  • collective goals
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