IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

In some countries, people who are unemployed receive a sum of money each week in the form of a benefit, while some support this, other people believe that this money should not be given. Discuss both points of view and give your own point of view.

#countries #people #sum #money #week #form #benefit #support #points #point
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As argued
that
Correct word choice
apply
show examples
, in many nations, the authorities give the public who don'
t
 have
a
Remove the article
apply
show examples
work some
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
money
 as a type of expenditure to help them to get their necessary needs.Some
population
Fix the agreement mistake
populations
show examples
 accept that work
while
 others have the opposite thoughts. In
this
 essay, I will discuss both views and give my opinion. On the one hand, in recent years there are a few opportunities for jobs so we can find a lot of generations without a source of income. There are many reasons for that,
for example
 in many countries the population is very high so it is difficult to find a chance for whole individuals
as well as
 the salary of most jobs
doesn'
Verb problem
isn't
show examples
t
 satisfaction and not equal their tired so they prefer to become unemployed.In these cases, it is significant to help and support them with a particular amount of
money
.
on the other hand
, some
people
 don'
t
 have a sense of responsibility and don'
t
 search for jobs, whatever they sit and wait a
money
 from others. They don'
t
 give themself a chance and work and get their
money
 from their job.Some
people
 put themself in
comfortable
Correct word choice
a comfort
show examples
 zone, they prefer to hang out, eat and sleep so in
this
 case the government should not give these
people
 any kind of help. in conclusion, each country should put strict rules to know which
people
 should receive a sum of
money
 and help them rather than give the all
individuals
Change preposition
to individuals
show examples
 and that will help them to be fair with them and control the income of the country.
Submitted by Loody on

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coherence cohesion
Ensure that each paragraph is distinct and contributes clearly to the overall argument. The separation between paragraphs could be improved for clarity.
task achievement
Provide more specific examples or statistics to strengthen your arguments and illustrate your points more clearly.
coherence cohesion
Work on sentence variety and structure to improve readability and flow.
task achievement
The essay attempts to discuss both perspectives, which shows an understanding of the task requirements.
coherence cohesion
You have a clear introduction and conclusion, giving your essay a complete structure.
task achievement
Your inclusion of reasons for unemployment shows an awareness of broader economic factors.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • Unemployment benefits
  • Safety net
  • Financial insecurity
  • Poverty
  • Economic stability
  • Disincentive
  • Financial burden
  • Job training programs
  • Employability
  • Root causes of unemployment
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