Some people believe that children should do organised activities in their free time while others believe that children should be free to do what they want to do in their free time. Which viewpoint do you agree with? Use specific reasons and examples to support your answer.
Some
Some
people believe that Remove the redundancy
apply
children
should do organised activities
in their leisure time
, but others believe that children
should be free to do what they want to do in their free time
. Both views have positive or negative things, but I support the first view.
On the other hand
, there are several positive sides to activities
that make a child a polite person. The first idea is that,
Remove the comma
apply
the
organised Correct article usage
apply
activities
teach children
how to maintain discipline. The second idea is that,
Remove the comma
apply
the
organised Correct article usage
apply
activities
teach children
how to maintain time
management. For example
, many children
do not know about time
management in their exam
, and Fix the agreement mistake
exams
as a result
, they cannot write properly before finishing exam time
. If they know time
management from organised activities
, they can write properly. Also
, organised activities
teach children
how to do their school routine or daily routine. Every student should maintain organised activities
. It is good for students or children
.
On the other side, there are various activities
, which activities
are good for students or children
. Firstly
, if students want to socialise in their free time
, they can do it. For example
, if children
want to help poor people to reduce their lack of food, they can do so. Secondly
, in their leisure time
they can do outdoor Add a comma
time,
activities
like football, cricket, and so on. As a result
, if they play football or cricket, they can understand about defeat or win. By defeating or winning, their confidence level will increase.
In conclusion, both views are good for children
, but I strongly support the first view. I think organised activities
can help a child to win their success. So it is important to every child or person.Submitted by mdtipusultanakhand on
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language accuracy
Try to avoid repetition and redundancy, such as in the opening line where 'Some Some' is repeated. Also, work on reducing small grammatical errors.
task achievement
Elaborate more on the connection between time management in organized activities and their practical application, like exams. This will strengthen the task achievement.
task achievement
Consider providing more detailed examples or data to support your points, such as statistics or study findings related to organized activities benefiting children's development.
structure
Clear introduction and conclusion that effectively frame your argument.
organization
Logical structure in outlining the points, with a balanced view first and supporting view later.
example usage
Use of specific examples, such as how organized activities can teach time management skills in exams.
Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
Linking words are very important in your essay.
To score effectively on your IELTS exam, you should make an effort to implement short concise sentences coupled with linking words.
Almost every sentence in your essay should have a linking word of some sort.
In fact, the only sentences that can omit linking words are your background sentence and thesis.
Linking word examples:
- firstly
- secondly
- thirdly
- in additional
- moreover
- also
- for example
- for instance
- therefore
- however
- although
- even though
- despite