IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

A growing number of people feel that natural areas should not be exploited by people, and that they should be left as they are, while others argue that humans must use this land to satisfy their various needs, including farming and building. discuss both the views and give your opinion?

#people #areas #humans #land
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It is a highly debatable topic these days whether natural
areas
such
 as forests and wildlife should be protected or
either
Correct word choice
whether
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 it can be used for
mankind
Change noun form
mankind's
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 various essentials
such
 as
food
 and building new
houses
.
This
 essay will look into both
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
aspects
along with
 my viewpoint.
However
,I personally asserted
with
Change preposition
apply
show examples
the latter phenomenon.
To begin
with
Add a comma
with,
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 let us shed some light on
former
Correct article usage
the former
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 viewpoint.First and foremost,
,
Change the punctuation
apply
show examples
 natural
areas
is
Correct subject-verb agreement
are
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 the house of
wild life
Correct your spelling
wildlife
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animals
such
 as lions and
tiger
Fix the agreement mistake
tigers
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 if
humans
 exploit these for their personal use
then
 the day is no longer than species of rare
animals
 and birds
were
Wrong verb form
are
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 extinct and no longer seen in the environment.
Secondly
,in
the
Correct article usage
apply
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medical science scientists and researchers experiment on
animals
Change noun form
animals'
animal's
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 genes and plants to invent any remedies or
medicine
Fix the agreement mistake
medicines
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 for
humans
 .
Subsequently
, if the
animals
 were no longer left in the ecosystem
humans
didnot
Correct your spelling
did not
didn't
 get any medicines and precautions in the future.
Therefore
, it is necessary to preserve natural
areas
 not for only
animals
 but
also
 for
humans
Fix the agreement mistake
human
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 need. Let us delve deeper into the contrast. First ,
increase
Correct article usage
an increase
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 in population is directly proportional to
demand
Correct article usage
the demand
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 of supply
therefore
, new
houses
required
Add a missing verb
are required
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 for human lives as these
houses
required
Wrong verb form
require
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land
 to acquire.
Secondly
, as more people on
earth
Capitalize word
Earth
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 need
food
 to eat
therefore
Add the comma(s)
, therefore
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,
land
required
Add a missing verb
is required
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 to grow
food
 .
For instance
,
a
Correct article usage
apply
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research by the University of British Columbia in the year 2012 in Canada asserted that 10% of
land
acquired
Add a missing verb
was acquired
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 from
forest
Correct article usage
the forest
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 department by
humans
 because the government planned to build new
houses
 to
accomodate
Correct your spelling
accommodate
humans
. To recapitulate, it can be considered that natural
areas
 are home to
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
wildlife
animals
therefore
it
Correct pronoun usage
they
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 should be protected for the ecosystem .
Nevertheless
, with the increase in population and rise in demand
of
Change preposition
for
show examples
food
 the government
using
Wrong verb form
uses
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small
Correct article usage
a small
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proportaion
Correct your spelling
portion
 of
land
 for
humans
Fix the agreement mistake
human
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wellbeing
Correct your spelling
well-being
show examples
.
Submitted by navdeepbajaj89 on

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coherence cohesion
To improve coherence, ensure each paragraph naturally leads to the next with clear transitions. It helps maintain a smooth flow of ideas and strengthens the overall argument.
task achievement
Clarify your ideas further by providing specific examples or evidence. This will support your arguments more effectively and demonstrate a good understanding of the topic.
task achievement
Your essay presents both sides of the argument, showcasing a balanced discussion of contrasting views, which strengthens your task achievement score.
coherence cohesion
You have a clear introductory paragraph and conclusion that encapsulate the discussion adequately.
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