IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

In many countries around the world, it is common for families to run their own business. Some people think that keeping the business within the family is the best approach while other believe this could lead to problems. Discuss both views and give your opinion.

#countries #world #families #business #people #approach
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It has become a common practice to start a family
business
 these days. some
people
 believe that starting a
business
 with the family members is a good option
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
 because
people
 trust their families and there would be
less
Change the quantifier
fewer
show examples
 chances of fraud,
while
 others think that
this
 can cause certain issues
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
 if any loss is observed, so
this
 can cause conflict between relations. I will discuss both views with relevant examples and
i
Change the capitalization
I
show examples
 will give my opinion as well in
this
 essay. The foremost reason given by the
people
 with the former opinion is that
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
 it is extremely essential to include trustworthy
people
 as your
business
 partners because there would be less chances of fraud in the
profit
.
For instance
, one of my friends, started
import
Wrong verb form
importing
show examples
 and
export
Wrong verb form
exporting
show examples
, for which he included his cousins, as it was risky to higher others because
people
 can fool you easily when it comes to
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
profit
.
on the other hand
, the
people
 with
latter
Correct article usage
the latter
show examples
 opinion gave the justification that, starting any project
within
Change preposition
with
show examples
closed
Replace the word
close
show examples
 relatives can cause problems in the relationships, if there is any loss in the project, or if the
profit
 percentages are not equally
splitted
Correct your spelling
split
show examples
 between the individuals, so
this
 can develop
rift
Correct article usage
a rift
show examples
 between brothers and they may part
their
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
ways. To illustrate, my uncle opened a store, in which he gave major
authorities
Fix the agreement mistake
authority
show examples
 to his brother,
however
Add the comma(s)
however,
show examples
due to
sudden
Correct article usage
the sudden
show examples
 massive decline in the
profit
, they developed trust issues between them and eventually parted ways.
To conclude
, starting a
business
in
Change preposition
with
show examples
 relatives is a very brilliant idea these days, if they are experts and have good traits, because it is rare to find
such
people
 these days,
however
, if certain
un-expected
Correct your spelling
unexpected
show examples
 events may occur, with devastating effects on the
business
 so
this
 will ruin the bond among blood relations. I think, it is significant to start combined work, with crystal clear duties and
paper work
Correct your spelling
paperwork
show examples
, everything should be documented properly to prevent mishaps and
hatered
Correct your spelling
hatred
 among loved ones.
Submitted by dr.tehreemk on

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Coherence and Cohesion
Review sentence structures to enhance clarity. Some sentences are lengthy and slightly confusing.
Coherence and Cohesion
Ensure consistent use of capital letters at the beginning of sentences.
Task Achievement
Provide more diverse and specific examples to enrich your arguments.
Task Achievement
Try to balance the discussion of both views. The argument about trust within family businesses is slightly underdeveloped compared to the risks outlined.
Coherence and Cohesion
You provided a clear introduction setting the context and outlining your approach.
Task Achievement
The conclusion effectively summarizes your viewpoint, reiterating key ideas and offering a personal opinion.
Task Achievement
You used a relevant personal example to illustrate the potential challenges of family businesses.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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