IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5.5

Some people believe that children’s leisure activities must be educational, otherwise they are a complete waste of time. Do you agree or disagree?

#people #children’s #leisure #activities #waste #time
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Some people argue that if
children
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’s leisure hobbies are not focused on learning ,it’s just an unproductive use of time. I fully agree with
this
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 statement. I believe
that’s
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that
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children
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’s time should be spent on
activities
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 that promote learning,it
is
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apply
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also
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help
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helps
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children
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 gain important life skills.
This
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 essay will discuss how educational exercises help
children
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 develop significant skills and will give some cases. One of the main
reason
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reasons
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 why I agree with the idea is that they enhance development.
Activities
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such
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 as solving puzzles,painting, reading books or playing strategy games can
simulate
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stimulate
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 a child’s brain.
For example
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, games that involve memory help
children
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 sharpen their thinking and focus.
This
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 learning tactic through the game approaches their academic goals. By the way,educational
activities
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simulate
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stimulate
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 a love for learning,which
motivate
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motivates
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 them to explore new interests and expand their knowledge outside of the classroom.
Besides
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, educational
activities
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 can promote social skills and emotional growth. Group games or
activities
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such
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 as team sports teach
children
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 how to communicate, empathy,work with others,discipline , and manage conflicts.
For instance
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, when
children
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 play a team sport, they learn how to follow rules, which are essential
their
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to their
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 ability that benefit their personal and academic lives,creative pursuits like drawing or playing musical instruments allow them to express themselves and manage emotions effectively. In conclusion,
children
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's leisure time should include educational
activities
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 . These
activities
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 allow
children
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 to learn
while
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 enjoying themselves. I believe that
children
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’s leisure
activities
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 should have an educational purpose because they promote intellectual,emotional and social growth.
Submitted by happy01.uk on

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language
Ensure that your sentences are complete with proper punctuation to enhance clarity and readability. Avoid run-on sentences by using commas or conjunctions appropriately.
content
Some ideas and arguments could benefit from deeper development to illustrate your points more convincingly.
structure
Try to define your position clearly in the introduction and reinforce it in the conclusion for a stronger argumentative essay.
structure
The essay contains a well-structured introduction and conclusion, effectively framing the discussion around educational leisure activities.
content
You provided relevant examples that illustrate how educational activities can simulate a child's brain and promote development.
coherence
The essay maintains a logical flow and adequately transitions between points, particularly in discussing the importance of social skills development through leisure activities.
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