Some people argue that the government should spend money only on medical care and education but not on theaters or sports stadiums. Do you agree or disagree?

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A lot of group of people think money must
spend
Wrong verb form
be spent
show examples
for
Change preposition
on
show examples
medical
Replace the word
medicine
show examples
and
education
however
they think
theaters
and
sports
stadiums are not
necessery
Correct your spelling
necessary
. I completely disagree. I think
education
and
theather
Correct your spelling
theatre
has
Correct subject-verb agreement
have
show examples
a connection,
similerly
Correct your spelling
similarly
similar
sports
and
medical
Replace the word
medicine
show examples
.
Firstly
,
education
has a
conennect
Correct your spelling
connect
with
theaters
Change the spelling
theatres
show examples
because
theater
Change the spelling
theatre
show examples
is
type
Add an article
a type
the type
show examples
of
arts
Fix the agreement mistake
art
show examples
and arts improve
education
quality. Not only
education
quality but
also
students
Change noun form
students'
student's
show examples
mental
healths
Fix the agreement mistake
health
show examples
affect
Wrong verb form
are affected
show examples
by
theaters
. One experiment shows
theater
Change the spelling
theatre
show examples
is
big
Add an article
a big
show examples
factor
on
Change preposition
in
show examples
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
education
because
theater
Change the spelling
theatre
show examples
teach
Change the verb form
teaches
show examples
creativity to children.
Secondly
, I think
sports
has
Correct subject-verb agreement
have
show examples
important
Add an article
an important
show examples
role in our
live
Replace the word
lives
show examples
,
initially
Add a comma
initially,
show examples
sports
improves
Change the verb form
improve
show examples
our muscles and
health
. Colombia University professors say"
Sports
impacts
to
Change preposition
apply
show examples
health
morever
Correct your spelling
moreover
our educational
sucsess
Correct your spelling
success
too." all things show
sports
are useful for
medical
Replace the word
medicine
show examples
and
education
.
Finally
,
main
Change the article
the main
show examples
point of
education
and
medical
Replace the word
medicine
show examples
is
be
Fix the infinitive
to be
show examples
helpful for people and rise up to humanity and
this
point same with
sports
and
theaters
Change the spelling
theatres
show examples
, all of these have some benefits for us,
for
example
Add the comma(s)
example,
show examples
physical
health
and medical
health
Add a missing verb
are influence
show examples
influence
Replace the word
influenced
show examples
by
education
,
medical
Replace the word
medicine
show examples
,
sports
and
theaters
Change the spelling
theatres
show examples
. İn
the
Correct article usage
a
show examples
result,
education
and
theater
Change the spelling
theatre
show examples
have
Verb problem
are
show examples
connection
Fix the agreement mistake
connections
show examples
also
sports
and medical too.
Submitted by türkoğluahmetonur on

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task achievement
Try to elaborate more on your main points and ensure that your ideas are fully developed. For instance, explain more about how theater and sports influence education and health.
task achievement
Include more specific examples to support your arguments. For instance, you could mention specific studies or instances where theater and sports have contributed to education or health.
coherence cohesion
Work on improving the logical flow of ideas. Make sure each paragraph connects smoothly to the next.
coherence cohesion
Your introduction and conclusion are well presented, providing a clear argument.
task achievement
You have made an effort to link theater with education and sports with health, which shows an understanding of the topic.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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