IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5.5

More and more people are seriously overweight. some people suggest the solution to this problem is to increase the prise of fastening foods. To what extent do you agree or disagree

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The number of
people
Use synonyms
 who are overweight is increasing day by day, to address
obesity
Use synonyms
 problems many
people
Use synonyms
 propose
to
Fix the infinitive
apply
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rise
Correct your spelling
raise
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 the prices of fattening foods.
This
Linking Words
is
Unnecessary verb
apply
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essay totally disagrees with the approach because the
people
Use synonyms
's
suggestenation
Correct your spelling
suggestion
 is about the wrong solution and it may bankrupt professionals that produce
this
Linking Words
 type of food in
such
Linking Words
way
Correct article usage
a way
show examples
.
To begin
Linking Words
 with,
obesity
Use synonyms
 comes from many different factors including fattening foods but it is not the only
and
Correct word choice
apply
show examples
primary source,
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while
Correct word choice
apply
show examples
it is the lack of
controlling
Replace the word
control
show examples
 containing calories in
meals
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. To be more specific, fat is essential in
body building
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bodybuilding
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 but when individuals consume it in huge quantities causes them more
demage
Correct your spelling
damage
, so they need to be careful and accurate in measuring calories.
For example
Linking Words
, studies showed that individuals
con not
Correct your spelling
cannot
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 feel full after eating
a fat-free
Correct the article-noun agreement
a fat-free meal
fat-free meals
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meals
Use synonyms
,
while
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 eating
high fat
Add a hyphen
high-fat
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meals
Use synonyms
 will lead to
obesity
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, and provided that balancing is the true solution.
Secondly
Linking Words
, boosting the value of fatty foods will lead to big losses for companies and restaurants that produce these
meals
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. To explain in more detail, the companies will experience
Correct article usage
a decreaseing
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decreaseing
Correct your spelling
decrease
 in the number of customers merely based on high values followed by financial losses from not receiving revenues from expenses,
moreover
Linking Words
, workers will get fired, which leads to unemployment.
For instance
Linking Words
, many
people
Use synonyms
 boycotted
al-Safa
Correct article usage
the al-Safa
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 water brand
last
Linking Words
 year when they elevated their prices and the brand recorded a big loss in their history. In conclusion, enforcing high prices of fatty food will not help overweight
people
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 to
loss
Replace the word
lose
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 weight, but balancing calories will
definitaly
Correct your spelling
definitely
 solve
obesity
Use synonyms
issuses
Correct your spelling
issues
,
additionally
Linking Words
, cheap values will help manufacturers grow in their business and encourage work for employees.

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task response
To strengthen the task response, ensure that you address the question directly in each paragraph, possibly by explicitly stating to what extent you agree or disagree.
coherence
Try to enhance coherence between sentences by using connectors and transition words more frequently.
task response
To further support your points, include more examples or evidence that directly relate to your arguments.
structure
Your essay has a clear introduction and conclusion, setting the stage for your argument and summarizing your points effectively.
coherence
The essay reasons logically about the potential negative impacts on businesses that sell fatty foods if prices were raised.
task response
You effectively highlight an alternative solution to obesity, focusing on calorie balance rather than price increases.

Your opinion

Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.

If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.

Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.

Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:

...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • Obesity epidemic
  • Nutritional value
  • Fast food culture
  • Economic disparity
  • Healthier alternatives
  • Caloric intake
  • Dietary habits
  • Public health measures
  • Consumer behavior
  • Price elasticity
  • Subsidies
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